no, this is not a dirty post if that's what you think...
this is my personal to-do-list, also called "the wishlist":
Here it goes:
x sh*t now I can't remember anything. ... so maybe I should first wish for
x a functional brain.
x write a sit-com (yeah, whatever. .... actually, to tell the truth, I really wanted to write an episode for the Gilmore Girls but I was almost too embarrassed to write that down, for I am convinced most readers of my blog probably despise (spelling?) that show. Anyway, I identify with the mother - quirky, caffeine-addicted, overanalytical, can't fit into the small-town life she loves regardless, etc.
Unfortunately, unlike Lorelei Gilmore, I can't eat anything I want (although, lately it seems that I think I can and have thus been getting fatter. <- was that even an English sentence? ...I guess, the real reason I won't be writing for TV is not because I don't find time but because I can't write for sh*t. Also, I really wouldn't be able to talk "ghetto" like that.
x set up a blog for my friend Johannes' "message". He is sort of an unvoluntary psychic and once in a while he gets very strong "contact", or whatever you want to call it, from the other side. This might sound stupid to you, specially if you don't believe in this kind of stuff, but I know this man for a long time and he is not only very sane but also very balanced in his life. He doesn't make up sh*t like that.
Anyway, he has sent me this document of a message/revelation/whatever it is he had about a year ago. It is about Ground Zero and its future. When I read that message my heart began to beat faster and I began to tremble. It is so detailed and so strong that I just have to translate it (from German to English)...and I thought to do that via a separate blog might be the best way, since it gives room for feedback.
xWrite a letter to Carla (that I miss her). [now that item on my list is so complicated to approach - on so many levels - that I really don't see it happening. Plus, as Rosa said (quite disillusioning) to her I will probably just always remain that "bitch". For details on this story see this post and its comments:
no more turning back now (april)
x Direct or/and act in a movie. (ok. now that should be on 43things.com ...under things I will realistically never get to do in this lifetime. sad. sad.)
x Open up an Import/Export business. (The main motivation here is to get all the stuff I miss from the US over here. I am approaching the bottom of my last Dunkin Donuts coffeebag. Panic is taking over. I need bigger sized Mudd Jeans (all my 2-s and 5-s are now officially history). I had a very depressing evening yesterday, sorting through my clothes...
x Put all my extra photos on Flickr.
x dust
x install my car radio
x Back-up my computer
x ok. obviously I can't remember any significant to-do items at this point. It is now 1:27 a.m. (MEZ ..i.e. Middle European Timezone) and I am beginning to fade...
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2 comments:
A note on the letter to Carla: Write it. And, while you're at it, write one to John as well. You should get everything off your chest, and then MOVE ON. Be totally honest, and, who knows, you might just re-make a friend. At worst, it will leave you no worse off than you are right now.
hmm. don't you think the opression method would work just as well ;) ... No, but seriously, I am trying to figure out what I would like to achieve with such a letter. I can't deny that I like John (and the fact that I would never cross any inappropriate border again wouldn't matter to Carla. I know, because I have similar insecurities towards some female friends of Dario's I know I shouldn't have.) But then there is the fact that, unlike the non-existing relationship I have with these friends of D, I did have a friendship with Carla and I miss it. However, I don't think I could continue or re-make a friendship, I feel is dishonest, which is ironic, for it was me who was responsible for the bigger faux-pas. I always felt Carla wasn't totally open with me. Despite this one mistake of mine, I never was untruthful about how I felt towards her. I, however, have the feeling she wasn't honest about the way she felt about me (threatened?). I realize now that she, of course, had every right to feel that way or even act that way. It's absolutely normal. She wanted to be my friend but maybe she also felt uncomfortable about my friendship with John, but felt silly to say. I understand, believe me.
I am truly sad that I couldn't see them become a family. Carla apparently just had her first baby and I am really happy for her and for them.
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