Friday, March 16, 2007

PLEASE, not now!!!

My God, ..I am so nervous….
I am tired all the time, a very strange period (very very light) has set in even though I just had one about 2 or 3 weeks ago (and I am usually on time or about a week late)….but worst of all: I am suddenly craving lemony sodas (ginger ale, sprite, etc. – ok. ginger ale isn’t lemon but fresh like lemon) instead of my usual favorites (coke and pepsi). AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH….this is what happened when I got pregnant with MLee and Nini. (Also, with Nini I had a full period even though I was already pregnant ...and before it showed up in the results.)

I CAN’t be pregnant…I can’t!!!!! Not NOW!!! It is my turn now….I wanna finally do something for myself…go back to SCHOOL...change careers…get back to my passions.
Do I sound selfish?

Shit.
Ok. Wahrscheinlich alles nur stress-related….or post-stress I should say..since the real stress is over (Jan and Feb. were probably the worst ever in that dept.). Elizabeth says it could take a while until stress symptoms show.

Shoot. I just slept most of the day..and I am tired again (or still?).
This is not good. Not good. But what if I am not pregnant….am I sick then?…or is it really just the stress? Unfortunately, I have no health insurance to find out (i.e. go to a doctor). This should be a reminder NOT ever to assign important tasks to my husband - aka Mr. Follow-up-what-is-that? (e.g. getting health insurance for the family).

This isn’t possible anyway. Is it?
D is getting a kick out of it (but really, I think, he is scared as hell).

I am not a good pregnant woman, I tell you. I suck at being pregnant. I really don’t like it.
Also, I am soo over the whole baby crap. I really want a BREAAAAK! It is just now – finally – getting a bit easier with the girls.

Can you tell I have been pretty overworked with the whole parenting thing in the past 5 years? ;)

Heidi is pregnant by the way!!! :D
I get really happy when other women get pregnant.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

back in nyc

i am sitting here. in my mother in law's house. not separated or divorced, yet.
we are still sleeping on a full-sized bed (the four of us) and I am dying to sleep in a position in which my feet are not sticking out half way over the edge of the mattress.
well, at least our boxes have arrived and we have begun to unpack. maybe we can even move into our place this weekend. let's see.
the last week i have spent playing terminator...no wait...exterminator... the condition these dead-beat tenants have left our place in has really been unimaginably filthy.
besides going to war with the roaches I have been busy researching schooling options for MLee.
Rosa convinced me to get her tested for one of those Gifted and Talented Programs, for which she needs to score with an IQ of 120 and over to be accepted. At first I was a bit sceptical but after visiting the school for a tour I lost my doubts. It would be great for her to go to school there. Let's see how she does on that test.
I also like our neighborhood schools. Unfortunately, we are not zoned for them so we are going to have to move, for there is no way I am sending my kid to the school we are zoned for. I'd rather home-school her then.
I would love to just send her to that public school nearby. It is such a friendly place and I think MLee would do just fine there.
Is it wrong to consider convenience when picking schools? That darn Gifted and Talented program is quite a drive from where we live. ...well, 15 min. but still....do that every morning...with traffic...and after that drop off Nini...I won't be able to have a job...

ugh. my writing sucks today.
i gotta get back into the habit.