so, I'm almost done with this huge project of putting together my graduate application packages (most time-consuming: the portfolio). anyway, ... a few days ago I got an unexpected call-back for a job I applied to in Austria about a month ago. The woman who does the hiring had had a death in the family and so everything had been put on hold for a while. She invited me for an interview, which we did via skype and after an hour-long conversation I was told that I got the job if I want it.
It's a challenging position at a strong webservices company with lots of opportunities. Apparently they had had a lot of applicants...so I am now really in an uncomfortable situation.
By the beginning of the next week I have to decide if we will give up our entire existence here and all move to Austria (within months) or not (which will probably mean never, since Maia is soon to enter school). I have to make a decision to let go of a path I had just -after long consideration- decided on (Graduate School and ultimately a professional life full of art and photography).
It is so hard to make this call.
My friends here say that I shouldn't go back just because of the kids. We would surly be able to provide a secure and positive environment for them here just as well as anywhere else. Some argue that I shouldn't give up my own dreams and that putting my own happiness first will as a result make me a better mother. Others remind me of another potential problem: Is Dario really going to enjoy the house-husband role in Vorarlberg (small, traditional & pretty rural part of Austria)?
I don't know what to do.
One thing I thought of today is this: I've always wondered, how it would be to go back home....and that I should be moving back...especially for the kids...etc. So,.... I could go try it out for a year (ignoring how much work that would be) and if I'm miserable then at least I can finally say I've tried and the thought will stop haunting me.
But what if I get settled there...and I can bear it (I've got pretty strong endurance..no matter how bad the circumstances)...will I then wonder for the rest of my life what if I had not come back home and instead gone to Graduate School to pursue my real dream?
My children are supposed to always come first now .... that's a mother's job ...but sometimes it is really hard to make the call. Which path will be ultimately better for them?
My friend Vern says that kids adapt and that I should stop worrying. They'll be fine either way. Personally he wouldn't want to raise his kids anywhere else but New York City. Let's see what his wife has to say to that (she's German and isn't planning to stay here forever). ;)
But it's true, New York is not like the rest of America. It's very special.
I love New York.
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