when bad things happen, I usually try to see the positive in it (although, you might not notice that in my bitch-heavy posts) and I always have faith,...trust that things will get better eventually.
lately, however, it's been difficult to stay all that positive. my job has become even more stressful than it was before. i didn't think that was actually possible but add a good dosis of intrigue, powerplay, social pressure, and questionable compensation and you've got yourself a job you could hate. ;)
what i need to learn, is to stand above this all and not take any of the attacks personally. (everybody hates the project manager, ...including the project manager).
what i cannot do is to give a shit about it all. i do care if they like me because i have no strong social network outside of work to fall back on and i am at work all the f'in time, so it would be nice to get along well with my colleagues.
a lot of them like to argue, though, and I really don't. I usually tend to avoid conflict until all the repressed feelings start to eat me alive. ;)
it's interesting how different an office-dynamic one gets working with almost all women. i am used to working with almost all men (having worked in an IT department for almost 7 years). of course, that can be annoying at times, too, ...and one wouldn't believe how men can gossip sometimes, but all in all: much less stressful.
also, usually i started off good with the guys, while i have to earn my respect with the girls here. they really are very judgmental. throw me into a compartment, hate me or despise me... I don't know why. i never get the benefit of the doubt. the problem is that i don't like to fight dirty so i end up being the sucka most of the times. i don't instigate, i don't point out their mistakes, failures, or mishaps, while they are quick and loud as can be in return.
vern says it's because i am too much of a tomboy. i don't think womanly enough. he might be right.
anyway, ..so while the job has been a heavy load on my mind lately i am happy to report that it isn't anymore as of this afternoon. this is when my landlord called me to inform me that she is kicking us out of our apartment (!). Apparently, her mother, who lives above us, can't take the commotion of having small kids in the building, after all. I said, well couldn't you think of this before you rented this apartment to us only 4 months ago? before I paid an arm and a leg to the real-estate agent? before I spent thousands of dollars to pay for a move, furnishings, etc.? before we carried 2 "tons" of firewood up the stairs? before we planted trees, veggies, flowers, and a freakin' grapevine in the garden? (yeah..ehm..that's D's work..he's a bit of a gardening freak).
and it keeps on raining...
it is really hard to stay positive at the moment. ...oh and did I mention, that our tenants in NY still haven't paid what they owe. that's 3 months rent now.
well, at least I have two healthy girls, Dario still loves me, I think, (although, I am rather irritable lately and work crazy hours), and ... yeah...I'm out of positive thoughts for tonight.
I am thankful for the friends that I do have here...even though, I don't get to see them much.
7 comments:
Do you believe in signs?
I'm not sure...
I don't believe in coincidences and I do believe that all things are connected somehow...
however, I don't generally believe in signs. the only reason I said it was because of that one time I did. that curious dream I had...see this post
You dreamt of the burning bush. That is an interesting sign. However, when Moses approaches the burning bush he discovers that the flames did not consume it. A sign that a spirit was in the bush who had been herald down to earth to tell Moses that his land, his homeland was holy. So basically that could mean one of two things: 1. that the burring bush outside your home building was a sign that you were Home. 2. Or, the latter. Home was where you are now. In retropect, do you think you read the sign right?
i think, it's too early to tell...
i always felt inbetween chairs, if that is an English expression at all, but I never seem to get quite used to it. ...this feeling of not really belonging anywhere. I mean, I grew up here in Vorarlberg - for the most part - but I was always the kid who stood out (which isn't really a good thing here). I spoke differently (not dialect but High German), I wasn't catholic (like everybody else), I was very outgoing and generally a bit of a wild tomboy. However, when I got to NY, I seemed to be the more conservative one, the honest, naive, trust-everybody kinda girl...and mind you, I moved straight into the Bronx...and I am not talking about Riverdale. I was so out of place, it was almost comedic. Eventually, I adjusted, though.
... Anyway, .. it's too early to tell for sure...but if I had to tell you right now (this moment), I'd tell you I wanna go home ..and with this I mean New York City. However, I am not exactly in a good position right now. stressful job, no apartment, and freezing my a** off (I don't think I mentioned this yet, ..it SNOWED here yesterday! - on the mountain-peaks but nevertheless, HERE..in Vorarlberg...in AUGUST!)
there is no such word as comedic..is there? ..I think that should say: comical ;) ... I am losing my English already.
I am so sad, all my favorite bloggers are leaving. I guess It time for all of us to move on. Good Luck with your life. A loyal reader.
thanks! and who is this loyal reader? ...sometimes I am curious. I never have any idea whatsoever on who is leaving comments. they are always anonymous...
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