After a little nervous-breakdown last week, which might be partially attributable to PMS, I am now still a little depressed but generally in a state of acceptance.
So, I have no job. So, my tenants have screwed me over and are pushing me into financial ruin. So, I am soon without a place to live.
What will come will come.
Life has passed me the unlucky card. It's not that unlucky anyway. It could be MUCH worse and I am grateful this is all I got. I've been wondering when it is my turn. My life has been too good.
It's time for some character building (...which in my case still seems to manifest in a light depression...but I'll work on that.)
Of course, this whole "Zen-ly" state of acceptance isn't so easy with my annoyingly over-analytical mind. Really, sometimes I wish I would be a bit more superficial and self-involved. It would be so much easier if I could, let's say, focus on my hair, my wardrobe, and my daily life. Instead, I have to go all out and add (to my daily crap) worries about humanity, the potential dangers for my kids everywhere, the world....
Maybe I've been too much on top of the news lately. Meanwhile, I KNOW this is just life. This is how people are and have been forever.
I should be getting wiser but really I am becoming more neurotic over the years. I've been wondering lately, where that optimistic, rational, strong, never-shedding-a-tear young woman I used to be has gone. Is it that life-experience let's us lose hope?
Geez, this blog is turning into a really depressing read lately. If you hop back a few months you will see that I used to write much differently. Yes, always bitching and moaning, but always with a lighter touch and a humorous angle. Also, my English is beginning to suck.
This too shall pass.
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2 comments:
Does this mean you are moving back home? (New York City that is!). :-)
no but it means there is a possibility. I am standing on an edge and I am not sure if we are going to make it. At this point it's not even up to me but fate.
I am doing all I can do to make it work but if I don't find a job by the end of next month I am going to have to plan for a move back. I simply cannot afford to stay here without ANY money coming in from ANYWHERE. If my tenants in NY would be paying their rent I would have had a leeway (spelling?) of 1-3 months. Unfortunately, since they haven't been paying for many months now I've got nothing. No cushion, so to say. ... sigh.
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