no it isn't my last entry

the last post was just to say goodbye to my old URL. this is my last attempt of trying to blog somewhat anonymously. truth is i need to write...and somebody needs to read it. why? i do not know. all i know is that I would like to be this person someone I have never met and will never meet. this is what makes it possible for me to write as openly as possible.

ok. now... here i am. sitting in the middle of a half empty room. the bed is gone. the closet has been broken down. clothes are strewn around the house. the movers have picked up our boxes on saturday and we have been emptying out the rest since then. here (in austria) you have to paint the apartment before you give it back to the landlord, so that's going to be my afternoon project. the car isn't sold, yet, and i think i got jerked by the car-dealer when he sold it to me (way too expensive and possibly being an accident vehicle). story of my life.

i am reading Paul Auster's Brooklyn Follies at the moment and there is a passage in which he mentions a troubling story of the Bible (well, ok..they are all kinda troubling...but this one I haven't been able to let go, since I came across it..).

" I was such a moral, upright little person back then. I never lied, never stole, never cheated, never said a cruel word to anyone. And there's Esau, a galumphing simpleton just like me. By all rights, Isaac's blessing should be his. But Jacob tricks him out of it - with his mother's help, no less."
"Even worse, God seems to approve of the arrangement. The dishonest, double-crossing Jacob goes on to become the leader of the Jews, and Esau is left out in the cold, a forgotten man, a worthless nobody."
"My mother always taught me to be good. 'God wants you to be good', she'd say to me, and since I was still young enough to believe in God, I believed what she said. Then I came across that story in the Bible and I didn't understand a thing. The bad guy wins, and God doesn't punish him. It didn't seem right. It still doesn't seem right."

"Of course it does. Jacob had the spark of life in him, and Esau was a dumbbell. Good-hearted, yes, but a dumbbell. If you're going to choose one of them to lead your people, you'll want the fighter, the one with cunning and wit, the one with energy to beat the odds and come out on top. You choose the strong and clever over the weak and kind." (p.53/54)

According to this sh*t I am weak, for I am definitely that kind idiot.
I have to go read the original now (well, not now...cause now I should go paint) but I will check the source and see, whether I agree with the above interpretation (or conclusions) of the story.