Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts

Sunday, April 16, 2017

inner religious turmoil (but not really)


I am sitting here ... it's Easter Sunday, the weather is unbelievably perfect, all my windows are open to let in a beautiful, warm cross breeze, birds are singing, and someone is barbecuing. It's a thing up here in my hood. The moment the temperature goes over 60 degrees Fahrenheit, people are at their grills imagining themselves in the still entirely too distant summer.
A perfect moment, but I am huffing with frustration. My kid is being taken to Easter Mass against my will. It's not that I have a problem with her joining church services. She goes to Catholic School, after all. But, the thing is ... we're technically Muslim. And, wait, this gets more complicated.

So - despite the fact that I was raised Muslim and my kids consider themselves Muslims, we don't really practice the religion. Except that we don't eat pork (that's a lie - we all secretly sneak bacon behind each other's back, for we are all worried about each other's judgment. This is particularly interesting, when we are out to brunch together with non-Muslim/non-Jewish friends and there is a plate of bacon, which we supposedly don't eat, but are all dying to add to our pancakes.)

The fact that we don't practice created the problem that my younger daughter, Nini, started to not believe in God. This to me was horrifying, for I find it a necessity of life to have faith. She may not know this now, but things can get really dark and desperate in one's time on Earth. There were times that my God belief saved me or, at least, was the only comfort I had when everything around me was in shambles and I felt completely alone. Anyway ... I don't want to get lost on this tangent but, let's just say, I would like for my children not to be atheists.
Turns out, if you don't talk about God with them (or place them in some religious community/framework), there is a good chance they will be atheists. And so, I decided, Catholic School may be a good place for my little one (who, btw, isn't little anymore - she is 12). This school also happened to be the only good option in my neighborhood.
I want her to know the stories of the Bible, for most of them are also in the Qur'an, and I believe, knowing the main stories of the Abrahamic books is kinda common knowledge. That said, I also don't necessarily want her to believe them, literally.

Easter Sunday is big for Christians. I understand that Easter Mass isn't just regular church service. It means a lot. Urbi et Orbi and stuff. (My mom is Catholic; she, and by default - we, would watch the pope's blessing on Easter Sunday every year.). So, it's one thing if my kid has to attend the service every day at school, but it's another thing if she goes to Easter Mass with other people outside of school. (She had spent the night at a friend's house.)
I decided that I needed to counter-balance this event with some research on my part. Put the whole Easter thing in Muslim perspective for her. Just so she has a reference and her information isn't just one-sided. I felt, it's my duty as a mother. The reality here is, of course, that I am outsourcing her religious education and I need to figure out how to make sure she doesn't get lost over there. (Nini, btw, isn't really that invested. I'm most likely freaking out for no reason, for she just wants to hang out with her friends who happen to all be dragged to church by their more involved parents. ... "They just sang a whole lot of songs and gave us a bottle of holy water, which I forgot at my friend's house," Nini reported when I voiced my concerns about all this.). Nonetheless, I spent my Easter morning researching how Islam sees the whole resurrection of Christ story. Hence the earlier mentioned frustration. It seems impossible to find an unbiased opinion out there. Why can't I just get facts? Ideally, I would like historical facts, combined with direct quotes from the Qur'an and then a juxtaposition of this to the Biblical texts, explaining the differences and why such differences may have developed.

What I have learned from my hours of reading at various places on the internet are the following things:
 - Christians didn't really do Easter since the beginning of their time (it's a thing of the New Testament)
- The cross wasn't a Christian symbol (or, at least, there is a question about its origins)
- Muslims believe in Jesus (of course) but what I didn't realize is that they also believe in him as the chosen Messiah (Christ) who is said to return one day, in Damascus of all places. They also believe he is the only one of God's prophets who was without sin.
- Easter is heavily influenced by Pagan rituals (no news to most of us, as that's a historical fact ... combination of Christian and Pagan rituals to make the transition easier for people .. Easter bunny is a sign of fertility ... Christmas tree is a traditional/folkloric thing .. as we now know, Jesus was born in March).
- Muslims don't believe Jesus died on the cross but that God saved him

But - that's pretty much all I could find until I gave up. It wasn't enough information and, ultimately, just one belief against the other - so, nothing I could work with.

This whole excursus just reminded me of the fact that accurate accounts of anything are hard to come by. People twist stories the way they want to see things all the time. I believe, now we have a term for this: "alternative facts". Even when we have EVIDENCE to the contrary (e.g. video footage), people are still able to perpetuate completely fabricated "truths".
Now - what are the chances, man has been in the habit of doing this since the beginning of time?

Just sayin' ....

I guess, that's why we have to take all these stories with a grain of salt, or a big pinch of it, or, the whole salt shaker on occasion (especially, as it comes to religion).

I suppose, the best way to approach this is to find statements and messages that overlap or repeat in all the main religious stories. Those are probably the most accurate and worthy of consideration, if you so will. Also - the ones that speak to your inner compass. I think, we have all been equipped with it, but it can get corrupted over time and then those general rules come in handy (given, said people accept them as God-given laws).

 - Thou shalt not kill
                    .... steal
                    .... commit adultery
                    .... covet your neighbor's stuff (and wife)
                    etc., etc.
                 
plus ....
- honor your parents
- pray
- treat people the way you would like to be treated (you know, ... the do unto others thingy)

Not bad guidelines to live by.


Btw. ... I totally gave my kids chocolate Easter bunnies yesterday, as they were leaving for the weekend. And Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year - mostly because of that pretty tree.


Tuesday, April 05, 2016

a true revelation

I have been struggling with a certain inability to get over someone I should not even be having to "get over." It is a guy who is 10 years younger than I, a total playboy (or f***boy as they call them nowadays), someone who drinks and smokes too much, someone I would have never thought I could fall for. And, I probably didn't, ..... but it feels like it.
And here is what I mean by that.

Let's call this (29-yr-old) boy Tiburon. The Spanish word for shark, which is what they call him out there, as he is known for his womanizing ways. I chose to hang out with T deliberately for these reasons. I didn't want a relationship or anything serious.  In the beginning of last year I had attempted to have one of those and failed miserably, for I was simply still grieving over J, who I lost in 2013.

T was perfect. He was honest, funny, and charming. And he danced with a special kick in his step.
In the summer, I took a break from him, because I noticed that I began to get emotionally involved despite the fact that we were in a completely open arrangement. I'm one of those people who runs away when they feel vulnerable (i.e. develop feelings for someone).
T stayed away but kept reaching out for months asking to get together. I finally gave in on my birthday. I was alone and thought, foolishly, that I could keep it at coffee and would be able to resist him otherwise. From that day on (back in October), he came over almost every single day. It was beautiful. We never fought - because we weren't in a relationship and made no claims over one another. It was nothing but positivity and carefree evenings together, followed by nights in each other's embrace.
There were a few strange elements - for example, Mr. Player who used to come over for nothing but sex in the beginning suddenly didn't want to have any at all for long stretches of time. He also used to kiss much more than he then did when we saw each other daily. But, somehow, our intimacy still grew stronger despite this lack of physical action.

By the end of the year - around Christmas - he had an emotional breakdown. And, I don't mean that in the traditional sense of the word. I mean, this boy, who never let me in emotionally (i.e. we never talked about us ... and especially not about what he was feeling), suddenly opened up to me big time. It could all have been the liquor talking. Or the smoke or whatever. But, what he said, he told me while holding both my hands with tears streaming down his face. He said that I was perfect, that he didn't deserve me, that he can't give me what I want (he may have come to the conclusion that I want a baby - my fault), but that he can't even go with other girls anymore because he feels guilty. Now, if that isn't honesty then I don't understand this world. But, the things he did say to me were later identified as three red flags in identifying a man who is about to run. (I have learned this because I spent weeks watching dating advice videos after we split - trying to [a] understand what just happened and [b] get the F over this pain I felt over the loss of a relationship that wasn't even officially a relationship!

Anyway, so - naturally, the baring of his innermost thoughts suddenly created feelings on my end. Or, should we say, revealed them, for I was not aware that I felt this way, at all. Two days later, my jealousy had become so intense that I told him this isn't working and cut myself out of the equation. Because, here I was, falling for a total player. Danger! Danger! So, I ran because I was afraid of getting hurt down the road. What I did instead, of course, was hurt myself (and maybe him?) prematurely and I totally didn't anticipate how badly it would affect me. How could I be this emotionally touched by someone who barely wanted to sleep with me?

T obeyed my wishes without a fight. A fight, I wish maybe he would have taken up. But, I guess, the lack thereof should be a testament on its own about the true depth of his feelings for me. Maybe he was just not that into me and whatever he said, he said because he wasn't sober.

But - whatever it may be - the separation was an agonizing struggle for me. To make matters worse, he had another chick in like a minute, something he didn't feel the need to be discreet about as he posted picture after picture of her on his social media feeds, which brings me to the conclusion that this may be more than just one of his many alternatingly used girls. I still see them together. Looks like he may actually like this one more than anyone else. Or, maybe he saw what a nice relationship could be when we were together and finally opened himself up to the real thing again. That thought feels better on the ego, so I'll go with that. Alas, it doesn't make the sadness any less intense.

What did take away some of my melancholy and obsession about this (or maybe not, since I am now writing about it) was a nearly spiritual experience I had last Friday. And this is why I am actually here. To document this strange revelation.

So ... this whole past week had been a struggle. More so than usual did I obsess about T, and then, simultaneously, spent time upset with myself that I was still m-f-in' thinking about him. It made NO sense! Why? He clearly had moved on. He clearly was never into me. We clearly had no future (for I have no interest in being with a self-involved player and yet another man who doesn't know he has a substance abuse problem.)
By Friday, after working until 1 a.m., until I literally couldn't look at the computer anymore, I stood there in my office room frustrated that I went right back from work focus to being sad about T. I ordered myself to stop thinking and decided to just relax, listen to music, and smoke (by myself, which is something I never really do but I didn't want to talk any of my friends' ear off  about T for yet another evening). As I sat there, the music's beat synchronizing to my heart, looking out the window, I noticed from the corner of my eye that a picture of my kids had fallen over on the shelf over my desk. I decided to get up and fix it and when I did, I noticed, that it had revealed my copy of the Qu'ran standing on the shelf. It was a copy that my ex-husband had brought into the house more than a decade ago and I had never actually opened it. I was raised Muslim, but I'm just not a religious person anymore. I believe in God (in an abstract way) and even in guardian angels (and that is a whole other story), but I don't really want to have anything to do with organized religion anymore. I believe it has its benefits but, I feel, mostly, it divides people when it should bring everyone together. ... Anyway ... this experience, even though it was religious .. ironically .. did bring all my friends of different beliefs together.. but let me not jump ahead of myself.

So - there it was ... this old, heavy translation of the Qu'ran. "This seems like a message", I thought to myself as I looked at all the other propped pictures on the shelf standing right were they were before. I dismissed it and returned to my futon to sit down. "Yea, but I don't want to read any heavy religious texts right now. ... I don't want to run into anything sexist that's gonna upset me .. I just don't want to ruin my high here." ... S! You listen when you're being spoken to. ... "Yea, but, I have my period anyway, and I'm not supposed to touch the Qu'ran on my period." (Something that I had learned when I was a kid and that kind of stuck. Like the not eating pork thing. Not religious anymore, just ingrained behavior.) ... -- Lame excuse. .. But, anyway, ... in case you haven't noticed ... you may be on your period - BUT - you have not bled ONE drop today all day. ... so, what is your excuse now?
I decided to end my inner soliloquy, for I began to feel guilty, and got back up to retrieve the book from the shelf. I sat down and opened it to a random page, starting to read in the middle of the page, and - I kid you not - this is what it said:

A direct response to my agony over how this didn't make sense but then again, maybe I had really fallen for him?! I was about to completely lose my way when this kinda set me straight.

T is not real love. It is all about self-indulgence. It is all about me, not him.
T managed to bring light into my life and make me forget, for just a moment, that there is a giant void left by J's death. T brought light-heartedness and hope back to me. He wasn't meant to stay and me now finding myself convinced that I must love him because I can't get over him, is a false conclusion.

I shared this passage with a few girlfriends and each one of them was able to relate to it in a different way as it applied to their situation, which made me think about how beautiful (but also dangerous then) it is what one can do with religious texts. Beautiful because it can be so versatile in its interpretation as to fit many different situations in life; dangerous because we all know what people throughout history have done with religious texts (interpreting them to their advantage). Let me not get started on this, because just the thought of this makes me upset. Extremist groups in the Middle East being some of the worst examples for this abuse of a guidance book that is meant to help people live better lives. And all in order to serve their own selfish desires. Ok, must stop now before I start an unrelated rant.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

separation anxieties

so, didn`t i just recently say how i would be just fine with separating (or something like that)? well, let`s see about that.

it looks like D is in the same mood as I am (not feeling too happy in our marriage), which in a way is good, for it is at least a sign that we are on the same page but, of course, it also sucks, for this means the danger of (possibly permanent) separation is much more imminent. :( ..... It also means that one of us has to step forward and be responsible. One of us has to put emotions and frustrations aside and say, well then...we know we have problems...let`s work on them. That someone will be (is) me, like usual.
I guess, that is also the predestined task of a woman. Apparently our brains are hard-wired for this kind of stuff (keeping the community - i.e. the relationship - together).
Sigh.

I am so confused and scared.
There is so much sorrow and so much pain, and yet, so much recognition of the inevitability of it all - I am not sure how to deal with it.

I am relatively stoic - given the fact that D and I agreed to separate today. In fact, he said he would rather just divorce right away (which, I assume is the asshole in him talking). I said, if the last 12 years meant anything to him he should at least try all options to work on this relationship. But to only stay together for the kids is pointless .... I think, it just doesn`t make a difference when we separate ..it will suck for them either way. If anything, it might be easier now.

I didn`t want this to happen.
I never believed in never-ending relationships but in our case I had hope, for some reason. To love someone and to be loved back equally is not to be taken for granted, my mother once told me.

I am so sad ...but I haven`t broken down just, yet.
Well, that's not entirely true. Silent tears were running down my face this afternoon, when I made my way out of the rain and into a church. I am not Christian (in fact, I was raised Muslim) but in my worst times I always find an empty church a comforting place to talk to God.
It doesn`t matter where you connect ...it just matters that you do. And without religion it is even harder to find that place.
Nature is a good environment to pray but I am usually in a city, so ... churches work, too. Any house of God, I suppose.

....

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

no it isn't my last entry

the last post was just to say goodbye to my old URL. this is my last attempt of trying to blog somewhat anonymously. truth is i need to write...and somebody needs to read it. why? i do not know. all i know is that I would like to be this person someone I have never met and will never meet. this is what makes it possible for me to write as openly as possible.

ok. now... here i am. sitting in the middle of a half empty room. the bed is gone. the closet has been broken down. clothes are strewn around the house. the movers have picked up our boxes on saturday and we have been emptying out the rest since then. here (in austria) you have to paint the apartment before you give it back to the landlord, so that's going to be my afternoon project. the car isn't sold, yet, and i think i got jerked by the car-dealer when he sold it to me (way too expensive and possibly being an accident vehicle). story of my life.

i am reading Paul Auster's Brooklyn Follies at the moment and there is a passage in which he mentions a troubling story of the Bible (well, ok..they are all kinda troubling...but this one I haven't been able to let go, since I came across it..).

" I was such a moral, upright little person back then. I never lied, never stole, never cheated, never said a cruel word to anyone. And there's Esau, a galumphing simpleton just like me. By all rights, Isaac's blessing should be his. But Jacob tricks him out of it - with his mother's help, no less."
"Even worse, God seems to approve of the arrangement. The dishonest, double-crossing Jacob goes on to become the leader of the Jews, and Esau is left out in the cold, a forgotten man, a worthless nobody."
"My mother always taught me to be good. 'God wants you to be good', she'd say to me, and since I was still young enough to believe in God, I believed what she said. Then I came across that story in the Bible and I didn't understand a thing. The bad guy wins, and God doesn't punish him. It didn't seem right. It still doesn't seem right."

"Of course it does. Jacob had the spark of life in him, and Esau was a dumbbell. Good-hearted, yes, but a dumbbell. If you're going to choose one of them to lead your people, you'll want the fighter, the one with cunning and wit, the one with energy to beat the odds and come out on top. You choose the strong and clever over the weak and kind." (p.53/54)

According to this sh*t I am weak, for I am definitely that kind idiot.
I have to go read the original now (well, not now...cause now I should go paint) but I will check the source and see, whether I agree with the above interpretation (or conclusions) of the story.

Monday, October 16, 2006

why all the hate?

I usually don't post whole articles I read into my blog ...but the link seems to not be working so I am making an exception:

In Iraq, reverence for ancient tomb of a Jewish prophet
by Peter Ford

The bearded worshiper moved slowly round the shrine in his bare feet,
uttering Muslim prayers and pausing every few steps to bend his head
and kiss the golden cloth that covered the holy tomb.

The dome above him, though, bore the painted floral traces of a very
un-Islamic past. And the script running around the walls also bore no
relation to the flowing Arabic calligraphy that decorates most mosques
in the Middle East.

It was in Hebrew. The body lying in the tomb that this devout Muslim
was venerating is that of the prophet Ezekiel. And until just 50 years
ago, the building sheltering it - first recorded by a 12th century
Jewish pilgrim - was a synagogue.

I knew Muslims revered many Jewish prophets, and Jesus, too. But to see
this Shiite Muslim paying respects at a site of Jewish pilgrimage more
than two millenniums old was a striking reminder of how universal
Iraq's heritage is.

Ezekiel, who preached to the Jews in exile by the waters of Babylon
during the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, lived here relatively recently, by
Mesopotamian standards. At the time he wrote down his ecstatic visions
in the 6th century BC, local people could already trace their history
back 2,500 years, to the dawn of our civilization.

In contemporary terms, these last few weeks have been historic for the
Middle East. And over the month and a half that I have been reporting
from Baghdad, I have come to realize what an extraordinary privilege it
has been to witness historic events in the land where mankind's
recorded history began.

I have watched Iraqi society start to recreate itself, bereft of
central authority, on the same soil where society as we know it first
emerged 8,500 years ago - when nomadic hunters in northern Iraq stopped
wandering and began to plant crops around the settlement of Jarmo.

Because for North Americans and Europeans it all began here, it is not
surprising that the Garden of Eden was reputed to have been in Qurnah,
near Iraq's outlet to the Persian Gulf. Abraham came from Ur, near
Nasariyah.

The first human settlements, the first writing, one of the first-known
legal codes, the first use of zero: the land now known as Iraq (which
means "firmly rooted country") can boast them all. Those of us who saw
the place through two-dimensional glasses that reduced it to Saddam
Hussein and weapons of mass destruction have a lot to learn.

Not that we have not already learned. Few people superstitious about a
black cat crossing their path know that they could trace their fear
back to a Babylonian belief. Nor do many of us think of the Babylonians
when we look at our watch faces, divided into 12 segments.

The average Iraqi, of course, is no more aware of his debt to ancient
Mesopotamians than is the average Westerner, although Saddam Hussein's
megalomanic propaganda made constant references to Iraq's glorious past.

But in Kifl, at any rate, the older people do remember the Jews,
despite Mr. Hussein's efforts to obliterate and vilify their memory.

Until the early 1950s, when almost all Iraqi Jews moved to the new
state of Israel, Ezekiel's tomb was a popular pilgrimage destination,
attracting Jews from as far away as Calcutta.

The Muslims coveted it, too: 20 yards from the shrine, above the ruins
of another mosque, stands a brick-faced minaret - built more than 1,000
years ago. A late 19th-century mayor of Kifl claimed it was evidence
that the tomb was an Islamic holy place, because Jews didn't build
minarets.

The Turkish sultan - who ruled the region at the time - first
dispatched a team of officials from Baghdad, then a commission from
Istanbul to get to the truth of the matter. Sitting in the shade of the
antique tower (which today leans alarmingly), both sets of
investigators compiled reports stating, contrary to the mayor's claims,
that they had seen no sign whatsoever of a minaret.

Two contemporary chroniclers, one Jewish and one Muslim, suggested that
this extraordinary oversight owed more than a little to the generosity
with which the Jewish community of Kifl received the officials, and to
the gifts with which they were sent on their way.

It is hard to see how the Jews might ever reclaim their synagogue
today, however the new Iraq may turn out. But one can hope that all
Iraqis, divided as they are into many ethnic and religious groups, will
come to share the straightforward wisdom of Haji Hadi Mitaeb, a
resident of Kifl for the past 88 years.

"I am an old man, I cannot read and I cannot write," he replied when I
asked what he would think if the Jews returned to his town. "But a good
man is a good man."

(c) Copyright 2006 The Christian Science Monitor. All rights reserved.
Click here to read this story online [if it works]:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2003/0602/p08s01-woiq.html

Friday, October 13, 2006

fears of admitting one's heritage...

don't have much time to blog...so here an e-mail conversation I just had with a very good friend of mine in NYC.

shelly sends:
INTERNATIONAL / EUROPE October 11, 2006 Across Europe, Worries on Islam Spread to Center By DAN BILEFSKY and IAN FISHER More people in the political mainstream are arguing that Islam cannot be reconciled with European values.

---------- sisi writes:
interesting article and while it contains many true stories it also seems to have a pretty subjective angle. It worries me when I see NYTimes reporters taking on such an unobjective (uninformed) perspective....

All in all the (recent..and not that recent) developments world-wide make me very sad. People are so blind...on all sides....it seems like destiny that we are at constant conflict. God is testing us all and we are failing shamefully.

What disconcerns me as well is my own behavior. I am almost afraid to admit my heritage nowadays. I hope this doesn't all escalate one day. We all remember too painfully where the hatred against an entire people can lead (think WWII, think Sudan, think Yugoslavia, ...and I'm sure you can add plenty more. ... even in the U.S. hatred can escalate on levels that are dangerous...i.e. governmental levels (think Guantanamo, and similar, think Japanese internment camps, think post-9/11 1800-Tipps and the mass-detainment of anyone classifiable Muslim (and male).....

it is all fucked up.
this world is fucked up!
s. :< ------shelly writes: Ms., Good Morning: I do agree. I sent this to you because I didn't like that Austria was specifically mentioned-it made me very worried for you and your family. S., never be afraid of admittance of your heritage. I do understand your feeling on it; I have not been the keenest on being like yeah, I amPakistani. Remember this, there is no shame in who you are, though thruhistory people have denied who they were fearing persecution, I think the guilt that one persecutes themselves with is far worse than death. I had theopportunity to have lunch with Tina and Eve with my parents on Sunday(Jimmy had a b'day party his mom forgot about-whatever). Eve told me that people think she is Indian and I said well you know your dad was Pakistani, you should correct that- Tina immediately jumped in to say, it doesn't matter it is the same! Really, unless all you identify yourself as Punjabi, it is not the same. Growing up, we were offended, what, Indian? No way, we are Pakistani......how funny that the response has changed, maybe even sad. Be proud, practice as you see fit, and remember, no matter what, your dignity and faith can not be taken from you. I have already decided that I would be willing to die for my beliefs. If someone asked me if I was a Christian , I would say yes, regardless that there are horrible associations, in the end I am a follower of Christ, not mankind and that makes me Christian. Did you hear of the shootings in Pennsylvania's Amish country? Please readup on it. They have been a beacon in the world of not being ashamed of what others think and proved it by their forgiveness and willingness to grieve with the man who had killed their childrens' family. How is that for modern day faith?!
Ok, sorry that this is heavy. I love you and your family Sisi, and I would stand up for you in a heartbeat, now and forever.

Love till Chocolate Shakes-
Shelly

--------sisi writes:
hey girl,

yeah that Amish shooting story and the way the community embraces the shooters wife and children was amazing but, of course, mostly very sad (these poor children;( .

Ironically, I've been more on top of the news here (including US news and especially its foreign policies) than when I lived over there. I guess, it is that Europeans live within such close borders, they are just more inclined (and used) to looking across them.
Also, ..I mean...I work in a news-agency now...so...I see new stories coming in every few minutes.

It's scary how many shootings (and almost shootings) there have been in the States within the past week or so... Is this a recent thing...or did I not pay attention over there...or has it become such a common thing the news doesn't pick it up every time?

When will the government see that letting their citizens carry guns or keep guns at home usually only leads to accidents. I mean, what is the point of civilians being able to carry guns? So, they can defend their property?? ... that's what the police is for, no?

Alright, enough ranting for today.
It ain't better here. Shit happens here, too.
Maybe not that often or at the tragedy levels like in this huge country called USA...but enough crap. I guess, it would be fairer to compare the US with all of Western & Southern Europe and we'll probably be at the same level of human f*cked-up-ness. ;) (uuh, I think we can make this a word!)

And back I am at my loss of faith in human goodness.
sigh.
s.
PS: that story with Tina is just sad. She really seems to have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her family consists of more than just white people. She might never learn...but I trust that her children will find their way to their roots one day. This is what is great about America.... people are proud of their roots, they search for their roots, and they are interested in each other's roots.