so, didn`t i just recently say how i would be just fine with separating (or something like that)? well, let`s see about that.
it looks like D is in the same mood as I am (not feeling too happy in our marriage), which in a way is good, for it is at least a sign that we are on the same page but, of course, it also sucks, for this means the danger of (possibly permanent) separation is much more imminent. :( ..... It also means that one of us has to step forward and be responsible. One of us has to put emotions and frustrations aside and say, well then...we know we have problems...let`s work on them. That someone will be (is) me, like usual.
I guess, that is also the predestined task of a woman. Apparently our brains are hard-wired for this kind of stuff (keeping the community - i.e. the relationship - together).
Sigh.
I am so confused and scared.
There is so much sorrow and so much pain, and yet, so much recognition of the inevitability of it all - I am not sure how to deal with it.
I am relatively stoic - given the fact that D and I agreed to separate today. In fact, he said he would rather just divorce right away (which, I assume is the asshole in him talking). I said, if the last 12 years meant anything to him he should at least try all options to work on this relationship. But to only stay together for the kids is pointless .... I think, it just doesn`t make a difference when we separate ..it will suck for them either way. If anything, it might be easier now.
I didn`t want this to happen.
I never believed in never-ending relationships but in our case I had hope, for some reason. To love someone and to be loved back equally is not to be taken for granted, my mother once told me.
I am so sad ...but I haven`t broken down just, yet.
Well, that's not entirely true. Silent tears were running down my face this afternoon, when I made my way out of the rain and into a church. I am not Christian (in fact, I was raised Muslim) but in my worst times I always find an empty church a comforting place to talk to God.
It doesn`t matter where you connect ...it just matters that you do. And without religion it is even harder to find that place.
Nature is a good environment to pray but I am usually in a city, so ... churches work, too. Any house of God, I suppose.
....
Showing posts with label decision making. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision making. Show all posts
Thursday, February 15, 2007
disturbing self-realizations and promising resolutions
It is slightly disturbing how much I enjoy my time off at the moment (last week before I, too, return to NYC. Almost all chores of closing up shop in Austria I finished on Sunday. Now I am in Vienna for the last few days before my flight back. It´s inspiring - and a little depressing, I admit - to see all my artsy friends ...all of whom are either doing music, theater or film.)
I mean, I miss my kids (and even D) but I am really o.k. with this unexpected time for myself. Complete serenity. No three constantly talking mouths. If it isn’t one of the kids it is D and I am taking way too little time for myself to be able to handle this kind of bombardment very well. I love them all very much and I would love to hold them and touch them and be near them but I need to find a way to create balance for myself.
Since divorce really isn’t the best option, although having such set rules and fixed times off sounds like an excellent structure to guarantee this much-needed time to myself (- he takes kids one week, I take them the next).
But yeah, yeah…I realize this isn’t a great way to go and I am not sure how the girls would like this scenario. On the other hand, ..I think, they would have two much happier parents….although, can’t be sure about that either. I would probably miss D to death.
Tina says that Eva says to just deal with it. Men are just like that, they are like that and it isn’t going to change. So just deal with it and focus on the good…and try to find a way to make it work. Tina says she will try to cut back on her career (not work f/t) and thus be able to take care of all the household stuff she has to take care of regardless if she is working f/t or not. By only having a p/t job, however, she thinks there will be less stress and less resentment towards Zotto, who just isn’t able to keep up with her (in terms of household and kids).
I love my girls and I want to try to make this marriage work. I will give my best. And because I love D, we have a chance. Hope he still loves me, too.
Anyway, here are my resolutions. Call them New Year’s resolutions if you will. I shall call them “make marriage work with sisi’s happiness/balance project”…which messes with my plural used in the beginning of the sentence.
1.) start working out
2.) leave for a walk around the block if overwhelmed and cabin-feverish
3.) go out on trips (park, whatever) with just one kid at a time (if D refuses to come)
4.) go rollerblading in the city once or twice a month (maybe join that group – see Time Out NY)
5.) start acting again (at any College will do just fine) …if accepted to Photo program for the fall then not doing the acting thing is o.k.
6.) Realize your creative visions (or at least write them down, dammit!!)
I would like to write down a bunch of other things on that list right now but then I might overwhelm myself. Well, let me write them down as an alternate list of points to pick from (for balance creating purposes).
- Start horse-back riding again
- Take a yoga-class
- Take a vacation by yourself once a year (something with horse-back riding or snorkeling). Maybe join those ya-yah sisterhood ladies that go to the beach with horses once a year…”something something sisters”…what are they called?
- Exhibit your photographs or joint venture projects. Doesn’t matter where or how u do it ….just do it. Just do something! (again, write down these ideas of yours!)
- Go out with D once a month (at least) – do something different together (bicycling, concert, guided tour, exhibit, soup kitchen, etc.)
- Take family (day) trips outside the city (get book)
- Go to a LIVE concert or a play once a month!
- Girls night out – once a month! (combine maybe with above point)
- Apply for photo jobs (freelance …for NYT, etc.?!)
To be continued
…there are an awful lot of things I am planning to do once a month…somebody do the math for my reality check. ;)
I mean, I miss my kids (and even D) but I am really o.k. with this unexpected time for myself. Complete serenity. No three constantly talking mouths. If it isn’t one of the kids it is D and I am taking way too little time for myself to be able to handle this kind of bombardment very well. I love them all very much and I would love to hold them and touch them and be near them but I need to find a way to create balance for myself.
Since divorce really isn’t the best option, although having such set rules and fixed times off sounds like an excellent structure to guarantee this much-needed time to myself (- he takes kids one week, I take them the next).
But yeah, yeah…I realize this isn’t a great way to go and I am not sure how the girls would like this scenario. On the other hand, ..I think, they would have two much happier parents….although, can’t be sure about that either. I would probably miss D to death.
Tina says that Eva says to just deal with it. Men are just like that, they are like that and it isn’t going to change. So just deal with it and focus on the good…and try to find a way to make it work. Tina says she will try to cut back on her career (not work f/t) and thus be able to take care of all the household stuff she has to take care of regardless if she is working f/t or not. By only having a p/t job, however, she thinks there will be less stress and less resentment towards Zotto, who just isn’t able to keep up with her (in terms of household and kids).
I love my girls and I want to try to make this marriage work. I will give my best. And because I love D, we have a chance. Hope he still loves me, too.
Anyway, here are my resolutions. Call them New Year’s resolutions if you will. I shall call them “make marriage work with sisi’s happiness/balance project”…which messes with my plural used in the beginning of the sentence.
1.) start working out
2.) leave for a walk around the block if overwhelmed and cabin-feverish
3.) go out on trips (park, whatever) with just one kid at a time (if D refuses to come)
4.) go rollerblading in the city once or twice a month (maybe join that group – see Time Out NY)
5.) start acting again (at any College will do just fine) …if accepted to Photo program for the fall then not doing the acting thing is o.k.
6.) Realize your creative visions (or at least write them down, dammit!!)
I would like to write down a bunch of other things on that list right now but then I might overwhelm myself. Well, let me write them down as an alternate list of points to pick from (for balance creating purposes).
- Start horse-back riding again
- Take a yoga-class
- Take a vacation by yourself once a year (something with horse-back riding or snorkeling). Maybe join those ya-yah sisterhood ladies that go to the beach with horses once a year…”something something sisters”…what are they called?
- Exhibit your photographs or joint venture projects. Doesn’t matter where or how u do it ….just do it. Just do something! (again, write down these ideas of yours!)
- Go out with D once a month (at least) – do something different together (bicycling, concert, guided tour, exhibit, soup kitchen, etc.)
- Take family (day) trips outside the city (get book)
- Go to a LIVE concert or a play once a month!
- Girls night out – once a month! (combine maybe with above point)
- Apply for photo jobs (freelance …for NYT, etc.?!)
To be continued
…there are an awful lot of things I am planning to do once a month…somebody do the math for my reality check. ;)
Friday, December 29, 2006
finally: a decision
New York or Vorarlberg? I have finally - finally - made my decision and I tell you it is liberating to know what to do. I am not sure why or how it happened that I stopped guessing what would be the best next step but I can tell you it was a process that took many many weeks...if not months.
The final decision I made on my last day at the job. I made sure it was final by writing an unmistakable final good-bye e-mail to my colleagues at work. I don't know if I have blogged this but I was actually in line for a newsphotographer job at the local paper here. There are many reasons I withdrew my official application with that mail (I BCC-ed the chief of photography) but one of them was that I felt like I was settling for mediocrity in my trade. HAH, my trade... photography isn't my trade (yet) ...it is my passion...so I find it amusing how snobby I am in this matter. This could also have been a great chance to get into the field. You don't just apply to become a photojournalist you have to work your way there. This could have been my first step but honestly, I think, it wouldn't have done my work (i.e. style) too good. The local paper here has certain standards of what photographs they like to print. The main problem is, I suppose, that the journalist picks the photos...when there should be a photo-editor.
I did a few gigs for them, though. And all my colleagues (it is the same building I worked in) kept putting in words of praise for me (as I was told on my interview with the chief of photography), and I must say it was fun to do these shoots .... BUT ...ach you know what..never mind...I am rambling here ....and there is nothing worse than a rambling blog.
So, ....don't think I have officially announced the decision, yet:
We are moving back to New York City.
I am not sure, whether this is the right decision or not but it feels like it is the way it should be. My father always says, a right decision is something you can feel. You just feel lighter afterwards.
I regret nothing, though. I am glad we made this move, although financially it has set us back immensely. I learned a lot, I worked hard, we saw a lot, strengthened our family ties, and rediscovered the values of a simpler life, an evironmental consciousness, kindness to strangers, and more self-initiative.
I spent time refreshing good old friendships, and build a strong new one.
I learned to have more patience but most of all I learned to live without regrets. Things turned out so difficult here for us (or me, mostly...the one who seemed to carry all the responsibilty) I realized, there is absolutely no point in pondering about the "woulda-shouldas" (would haves and should haves) .
There is a sadness that comes with this decision, too.
Most difficult, I find leaving my friends, my parents (even though, their messed up relationships with their "new" mates cast a shadow on us, as well), and this closeness to nature.
I guess, I will also miss the courtesy of the people and the spinkin'-spank (spelling??!) clean streets. People just don't throw anything on the streets here. Oh, and I will miss our fire-place (NOT the cold apartment that made me have to use it all-year-round), and the ease of family-activities.
Sounds like I am writing a tourist brochure here....
two days ago...coming down from sledding on The Boedele
Nayla up on The Boedele (15 min. from us)
A Welcome Back message to Maia from one of the neighborhood kids.
I think I might have a mid-life crisis, by the way.
Or maybe it is just another version of my ongoing identity crisis. ;)
Another one suffering under my crisis is Dario.... he is getting a lot of "bitchin'" and much less "mama" from me lately.
Well, what do you want from me. We are going on 11 years together.
That's just not normal. ;)
No, but seriously.... I really could use a break. And he is not even being bad.
I am sure he wouldn't mind getting me out of his life for a little bit, either. I am just on his case, all the time.
But for now,....we are still trying to blame it all on PMS.
Before I go, another book-tip. ......... another? when have I given any booktips? Well, anyway...this one is keeping me up at night lately (this and the fact that I am still jetlagging badly) it is another Jodi Picoult novel. I've read "Vanishing Acts" in the summer and loved it.
Now I am reading "The Tenth Circle" and it is just excellently written. Took me a moment to get into the story but she just writes so damn well that is easy to get totally involved into just about any scenario.
The final decision I made on my last day at the job. I made sure it was final by writing an unmistakable final good-bye e-mail to my colleagues at work. I don't know if I have blogged this but I was actually in line for a newsphotographer job at the local paper here. There are many reasons I withdrew my official application with that mail (I BCC-ed the chief of photography) but one of them was that I felt like I was settling for mediocrity in my trade. HAH, my trade... photography isn't my trade (yet) ...it is my passion...so I find it amusing how snobby I am in this matter. This could also have been a great chance to get into the field. You don't just apply to become a photojournalist you have to work your way there. This could have been my first step but honestly, I think, it wouldn't have done my work (i.e. style) too good. The local paper here has certain standards of what photographs they like to print. The main problem is, I suppose, that the journalist picks the photos...when there should be a photo-editor.
I did a few gigs for them, though. And all my colleagues (it is the same building I worked in) kept putting in words of praise for me (as I was told on my interview with the chief of photography), and I must say it was fun to do these shoots .... BUT ...ach you know what..never mind...I am rambling here ....and there is nothing worse than a rambling blog.
So, ....don't think I have officially announced the decision, yet:
We are moving back to New York City.
I am not sure, whether this is the right decision or not but it feels like it is the way it should be. My father always says, a right decision is something you can feel. You just feel lighter afterwards.
I regret nothing, though. I am glad we made this move, although financially it has set us back immensely. I learned a lot, I worked hard, we saw a lot, strengthened our family ties, and rediscovered the values of a simpler life, an evironmental consciousness, kindness to strangers, and more self-initiative.
I spent time refreshing good old friendships, and build a strong new one.
I learned to have more patience but most of all I learned to live without regrets. Things turned out so difficult here for us (or me, mostly...the one who seemed to carry all the responsibilty) I realized, there is absolutely no point in pondering about the "woulda-shouldas" (would haves and should haves) .
There is a sadness that comes with this decision, too.
Most difficult, I find leaving my friends, my parents (even though, their messed up relationships with their "new" mates cast a shadow on us, as well), and this closeness to nature.
I guess, I will also miss the courtesy of the people and the spinkin'-spank (spelling??!) clean streets. People just don't throw anything on the streets here. Oh, and I will miss our fire-place (NOT the cold apartment that made me have to use it all-year-round), and the ease of family-activities.
Sounds like I am writing a tourist brochure here....
two days ago...coming down from sledding on The Boedele
Nayla up on The Boedele (15 min. from us)
A Welcome Back message to Maia from one of the neighborhood kids.
I think I might have a mid-life crisis, by the way.
Or maybe it is just another version of my ongoing identity crisis. ;)
Another one suffering under my crisis is Dario.... he is getting a lot of "bitchin'" and much less "mama" from me lately.
Well, what do you want from me. We are going on 11 years together.
That's just not normal. ;)
No, but seriously.... I really could use a break. And he is not even being bad.
I am sure he wouldn't mind getting me out of his life for a little bit, either. I am just on his case, all the time.
But for now,....we are still trying to blame it all on PMS.
Before I go, another book-tip. ......... another? when have I given any booktips? Well, anyway...this one is keeping me up at night lately (this and the fact that I am still jetlagging badly) it is another Jodi Picoult novel. I've read "Vanishing Acts" in the summer and loved it.
Now I am reading "The Tenth Circle" and it is just excellently written. Took me a moment to get into the story but she just writes so damn well that is easy to get totally involved into just about any scenario.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
brainstorming (ny or austria)
still trying to find the right decision. so today I am trying it with this method. not sure if that actually is a method that makes sense but I am out of ideas...so here it goes.
what I am going to do is, that I will just brainstorm to my life in new york city and then to my life here in vorarlberg and see what I get.
new york city
police
shock
drama
love
city
life
excellence
creativity
home
father
intuition
spirit
friends
attraction
life (again)
influence
temptation
aggression
people meddling
opinionated
Barnes&Noble
rainy days (still good)
school zoning (fear)
latino flavor (+)
freedom
choice
network
financial stability
wealth
luxury
network
wave hill
central park
upper westside
coffee shops
the village
hastings on the hudson
bad air
good weather
sun
t-r-a-f-f-i-c
administrative barriers
too many stupid rules
ridiculous fines
so far away
fear (terror)
Dominican Rep. closer
family (D's)
heat
advancement (word?)
familiarity
rut
subway (- but sometimes +)
food
emotion
baggage
freedom
sister
feeling in the gut
kids overstructured
people obsess
vorarlberg (austria)
freedom for kids
NY (not sure why that came to mind)
rationality
normal
nature
fresh
new
old
history
possibility
sensitivity
craving
folk
narrow-mindedness
prejudice
civilized
care
community
system (+)
activities
life more essential
people care
watch (be watched in every move) -
reputation
pressure
beauty
weight
internet (expensive, complicated)
stiff
rent
apartment
cold
squeeze (huh?)
fuck (i felt like cursing here,..so I don't mean the act of f.)
relationship (+)
stability
responsibility (D has got some)
not all rosy (-)
taboos (+ and - )
sacrifice
proper
standards
expectations
realistic
earnest
distant
family
reunion
kids
innocence
santa comes to your house (small town. possible)
arts & crafts for kids everywhere (markets, events, etc.)
very family friendly
maia understimulated
variety (of activities)
Europe
travel
special
unique
history
pressure
insecurity
job (not sure)
feeling
right path?
God
self-doubt
self-image
small
return to who I am (was)
what I am going to do is, that I will just brainstorm to my life in new york city and then to my life here in vorarlberg and see what I get.
new york city
police
shock
drama
love
city
life
excellence
creativity
home
father
intuition
spirit
friends
attraction
life (again)
influence
temptation
aggression
people meddling
opinionated
Barnes&Noble
rainy days (still good)
school zoning (fear)
latino flavor (+)
freedom
choice
network
financial stability
wealth
luxury
network
wave hill
central park
upper westside
coffee shops
the village
hastings on the hudson
bad air
good weather
sun
t-r-a-f-f-i-c
administrative barriers
too many stupid rules
ridiculous fines
so far away
fear (terror)
Dominican Rep. closer
family (D's)
heat
advancement (word?)
familiarity
rut
subway (- but sometimes +)
food
emotion
baggage
freedom
sister
feeling in the gut
kids overstructured
people obsess
vorarlberg (austria)
freedom for kids
NY (not sure why that came to mind)
rationality
normal
nature
fresh
new
old
history
possibility
sensitivity
craving
folk
narrow-mindedness
prejudice
civilized
care
community
system (+)
activities
life more essential
people care
watch (be watched in every move) -
reputation
pressure
beauty
weight
internet (expensive, complicated)
stiff
rent
apartment
cold
squeeze (huh?)
fuck (i felt like cursing here,..so I don't mean the act of f.)
relationship (+)
stability
responsibility (D has got some)
not all rosy (-)
taboos (+ and - )
sacrifice
proper
standards
expectations
realistic
earnest
distant
family
reunion
kids
innocence
santa comes to your house (small town. possible)
arts & crafts for kids everywhere (markets, events, etc.)
very family friendly
maia understimulated
variety (of activities)
Europe
travel
special
unique
history
pressure
insecurity
job (not sure)
feeling
right path?
God
self-doubt
self-image
small
return to who I am (was)
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
i am a libra. final decisions are really not my thing.
damn. I've been changing my decision on what to do like every 5 minutes during the past few days.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I am going nuts. and what's worse is that I seem to be the only one wrecking their brain about this life-changing decision. Dario just always surfs along and then complains afterwards (regardless of the decision). His feedback is pretty empty. No real thought behind it....a reflection of his phlegmatic ways.
And no matter what the final decision will be, I will be the one who has to carry all the consequences (resulting work, organisation, etc.).
I am tired of being the one to run this family. I need TEAMWORK, damnit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I am going nuts. and what's worse is that I seem to be the only one wrecking their brain about this life-changing decision. Dario just always surfs along and then complains afterwards (regardless of the decision). His feedback is pretty empty. No real thought behind it....a reflection of his phlegmatic ways.
And no matter what the final decision will be, I will be the one who has to carry all the consequences (resulting work, organisation, etc.).
I am tired of being the one to run this family. I need TEAMWORK, damnit.
Friday, December 01, 2006
to be European or American...that is the question
today is a difficult day. I'm getting tired of having to make life-changing decisions.
the perfect apartment (small house w/ garden, actually) we have found has another interested party. this means I have to either confirm the lease or let it go TODAY.
my job will officially end on the 15th of december, which means I will be getting only half my paycheck this month. this comes in addition to having been broke since the middle of last month (and going into the negative numbers).
I can't tell you how much I despise these deadbeat tenants of mine (in our NY apt.) right now. They probably think they got off great. Lived for free for 6 months and more. And who says they have to give a shit about the person who has to bathe out their irresponsibilty. They have cost me all my savings and made my financial life here miserable. I am going to have to borrow money, and I cannot tell you how much I hate to do that.
Friends and family in NYC tell me of job-opportunities for me and although these jobs sound great, the price I would pay for this (selfish) fulfillment has become too high.
I really have come to the point where I am convinced this (Vorarlberg, Austria) is the better place to raise your kids. Not a difficult equation, I admit. 8 Mio.city vs. the 350.000 head-count of Vorarlberg.
My friend Beth told me that they did a study (or survey?) on where the happiest people live. Austria came in 3rd and they say it is because of the good/free healthcare and tight social net. A social net I cannot rely on, yet, for I haven't been here (working) for more than a year. I don't even get unemployment money. (uuuhh...silent panic is rising up my throat).
And you know the "funniest" part? Apparently I will lose my permanent resident status in the U.S. soon....if I haven't lost it already. Then I will REALLY be screwed, for then I won't even be able to come back and work.
It's ironic to realize how much of a priviledge it actually is to live in the United States. I remember, how happy I was when I finally got the status to be a permanent resident and get a real job. Thousands of people every day would give their right hand to be able to become U.S. residents. And at the same time the system sucks, the crime is high, and let's face it ... morality and honor is going down hill. Everywhere you look it seems to become acceptable to cheat, lie and betray. At the same time people get thrown into jail for nothing.
Everything you say in the U.S. you have to say carefully. Talk about freedom of speech. Any criticism of the system or the conditions is immediately taken personally, and I assume it is because of the deeply patriotic sentiment of Americans. But patriotism shouldn't serve as blinders for the faults and problems of one's system or government. After all, what kind of democracy is that? The media in the U.S. is extremely censored and people have to search to get ALL the information (i.e. objectivity).
The media here isn't all that great either but the view on the world is much more objective. This is easier, for we are - most of the times - not involved. The U.S. is involved almost everywhere, and you know it is difficult to step away and see the whole picture (both sides) when you are in the middle of a fight with someone.
Anyway, that Austrians are supposedly the 3rd happiest people in the world I really doubt. Apparently we also have the highest suicide rates worldwide. Or is it Europe-wide? I think that's because we take everything too damn seriously.
Well, at least we don't kill each other. ;)
No, but seriously,...apparently most of the suicides are commited by middle-aged single, divorced, or recently separated men (often in financial debt).
In the States that same guy would probably shoot the ex-girlfriend who left him, change his social security number, and move the f* on. ...unless, of course, they catch him and give him the death-penalty. Here, ...he'd probably get 2-5 years. ...I mean, really, ...the punishment people get for criminal activity here is beyond any understanding of mine. ....maybe I've just lived in the U.S. too long....and I am used to witnessing harsh punishments for just about anything.
so,...today I have to decide...are my girls going to be European or Americans. that is a tough call...for I have also gotten so much positive from living the American way of life. Best would probably be a combination. ...Well, they have dual-citizenship...so they'll probably move back to New York City the moment I say "Happy 18th birthday, honey." ;)
the perfect apartment (small house w/ garden, actually) we have found has another interested party. this means I have to either confirm the lease or let it go TODAY.
my job will officially end on the 15th of december, which means I will be getting only half my paycheck this month. this comes in addition to having been broke since the middle of last month (and going into the negative numbers).
I can't tell you how much I despise these deadbeat tenants of mine (in our NY apt.) right now. They probably think they got off great. Lived for free for 6 months and more. And who says they have to give a shit about the person who has to bathe out their irresponsibilty. They have cost me all my savings and made my financial life here miserable. I am going to have to borrow money, and I cannot tell you how much I hate to do that.
Friends and family in NYC tell me of job-opportunities for me and although these jobs sound great, the price I would pay for this (selfish) fulfillment has become too high.
I really have come to the point where I am convinced this (Vorarlberg, Austria) is the better place to raise your kids. Not a difficult equation, I admit. 8 Mio.city vs. the 350.000 head-count of Vorarlberg.
My friend Beth told me that they did a study (or survey?) on where the happiest people live. Austria came in 3rd and they say it is because of the good/free healthcare and tight social net. A social net I cannot rely on, yet, for I haven't been here (working) for more than a year. I don't even get unemployment money. (uuuhh...silent panic is rising up my throat).
And you know the "funniest" part? Apparently I will lose my permanent resident status in the U.S. soon....if I haven't lost it already. Then I will REALLY be screwed, for then I won't even be able to come back and work.
It's ironic to realize how much of a priviledge it actually is to live in the United States. I remember, how happy I was when I finally got the status to be a permanent resident and get a real job. Thousands of people every day would give their right hand to be able to become U.S. residents. And at the same time the system sucks, the crime is high, and let's face it ... morality and honor is going down hill. Everywhere you look it seems to become acceptable to cheat, lie and betray. At the same time people get thrown into jail for nothing.
Everything you say in the U.S. you have to say carefully. Talk about freedom of speech. Any criticism of the system or the conditions is immediately taken personally, and I assume it is because of the deeply patriotic sentiment of Americans. But patriotism shouldn't serve as blinders for the faults and problems of one's system or government. After all, what kind of democracy is that? The media in the U.S. is extremely censored and people have to search to get ALL the information (i.e. objectivity).
The media here isn't all that great either but the view on the world is much more objective. This is easier, for we are - most of the times - not involved. The U.S. is involved almost everywhere, and you know it is difficult to step away and see the whole picture (both sides) when you are in the middle of a fight with someone.
Anyway, that Austrians are supposedly the 3rd happiest people in the world I really doubt. Apparently we also have the highest suicide rates worldwide. Or is it Europe-wide? I think that's because we take everything too damn seriously.
Well, at least we don't kill each other. ;)
No, but seriously,...apparently most of the suicides are commited by middle-aged single, divorced, or recently separated men (often in financial debt).
In the States that same guy would probably shoot the ex-girlfriend who left him, change his social security number, and move the f* on. ...unless, of course, they catch him and give him the death-penalty. Here, ...he'd probably get 2-5 years. ...I mean, really, ...the punishment people get for criminal activity here is beyond any understanding of mine. ....maybe I've just lived in the U.S. too long....and I am used to witnessing harsh punishments for just about anything.
so,...today I have to decide...are my girls going to be European or Americans. that is a tough call...for I have also gotten so much positive from living the American way of life. Best would probably be a combination. ...Well, they have dual-citizenship...so they'll probably move back to New York City the moment I say "Happy 18th birthday, honey." ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
