alternate lives

I received a message on my voicemail confirming my dinner with the attorney general tonight at 7pm at some fancy place. When I returned the call to tell the woman that she had dialed the wrong number I came to think of how different my life would be if I had made different choices at certain turning points in my life. What if I had never moved to the Bronx and stayed in Manhattan like the rest of the people I knew then. What if I had stuck to my decision and had never let Dario come with me when I moved out of our crazy 9-roomate-inhabited first apartment? What if I had listened to the encouragement of my mentors and professors and gone on to Harvard as I had dreamed? What if...

So, today when I cancelled "my dinner" with the attorney general I had a moment of mourning of my lost alternate life of excitement and grandeur.;) .... It also made me think about my friend Johnny who has decided to decline his 3rd offer from Wallstreet, quit his PhD program in mathematics as well as his job with a research group of the NASA , and give away all of his belongings to become a Navy Seal and be shipped to the Middle East. As a convinced pacifist and somewhat of a democrat, I needed a couple of hours of questioning him until I finally understood his motivation. It is too deep and too complex to explain in just a few sentences but essentially he woke me up. He reminded me of all the things I don't do, have not done, but am longing to do. Play the piano, learn how to read music (something I skipped when learning the piano in highschool), reacquaint myself with the principles of math (more because of the challenge than because of any love for mathematics), be more interested, be more involved, be more more more. Of course, this is easier for him than for me. He doesn't have any kids, he already is very well read ..and last but not least, he also has an IQ up in the genius level. The only person he has to explain his sudden and complete self-involvement to is his wife...and if she loves him (which she does) she will understand and let him do his thing. He will come back.
I wouldn't know how to deal with a man like that. I wouldn't be able to deal with this whole macho tour. "Every man should know how to be a soldier." ...

Sometimes I wonder what the world would look like if it were ruled by women instead of by men. Johnny thinks it would be mayhem (of course) and wars would be even worse. I disagree with this theory. If women would be the politicians of the world there would be no or few wars. To declare war you have to be very arrogant, and self-involved. It's hard for women to be this way. Women like to communicate, compromise and they work things out. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe power is something that would corrupt any spirit...male or female. I don't know...