Yesterday (or today if you will) I stayed up working until 6 o'clock in the morning. It probably wouldn't have been that long if I hadn't been interrupted by a car crash and its entailing comical scenario in front of our building and the fact that Nayla opened her eyes around 2am without having any desire to return to sleep until about 4.30am. (maybe I'll post a picture of the car accident later. you have to see this. I'm not even sure how the guy pulled this off.)
So, this morning after getting up around 11am (5 hours of z-s) I faced another day of finding myself behind schedule on my endless list of things to-do. And it's not like these things are top priority but this is exactly the problem. That's why they never get done. I just cannot spare any precious time. For example, I have been living in this apartment for 2 years now, and I have not a single picture in any of the rooms except for the living room, which went about a year without images on the walls. And I am a photographer. Not that I hang up any of my work but naturally I am a very visually oriented person...and so I constantly add to a large collection of pictures and frames I would like to combine and hang up but never do.
Another task on my list would be that I have to back-up my laptop's hard-drive. I am running out of space and every day I am adding to the thousands of photographs I have stored there.
So, today - after Dario told me once again what piece of completely unneccessary accessory he found on ebay - I voiced my frustration...or melancholy (since frustration might indicate that I sounded angry when really I didn't).
I just said to Dario:" Damn, I don't understand how I struggle every day to find time to do the 10,000 things I am supposed to do, while you manage to find time to do absolutely nothing and spend your free time researching historical oddities, play video-games, or surf the net for ebay steals. HOW is this possible? We have the same kids. How can you do all this while you are "taking care" of the children? Maybe I just need to get up earlier.
"Yeah, you get up late...and you just don't know how to manage your time." he says.
"8.30 is not that late...I am up until 2am most days. [And about managing time - HA HA HA!! look who's talking.]" Well, I didn't actually say the latter part of this.
Anyway, he started to play the blame-game again... or maybe it's just me being defensive....but I think he gets a kick out of finding my faults. What he doesn't get is that I expose them so he can give me either helpful feedback or acknowledge the fact that I am a F/T working mother with two small children, and a shitload of responsibilities to take care of.
That's what I am really asking for. Emotional support (and here we are again. didn't I just write about that the other day?)...sigh.
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