relationship going downhill

a few months ago, Dario and I were having such a long-lasting good phase that I wondered, whether it could ever go bad again. From experience, I knew that it was bound to happen but I just couldn't imagine how it could go so far down from so far up.

I don't know when exactly we went over the peak but I get the feeling that Dario still has no idea that we are near the bottom now. At least, I am.
And this time it is really bad. For me, that is. He seems to think, like always, all is jolly and dandy. Men...
It is really bad because I have actually become friends with a term called divorce. A term, which has scared me for most of my life. In fact, one of the many reasons I never wanted to get married was because I didn't want to get divorced, which I thought was an inevitable fact of life (with a few exceptions).

I am just soo tired.
I am so tired of his bad habits and the predictability thereof. I hate the fact that I can predict every unreliabilty or inconsiderate action of his, with almost no error of assumption.
Of course, he is still affectionate and tries to do nice things when he thinks about it...but these nice things are not balancing out the bad stuff anymore.
I am tired of being ignored (everything I say just goes in one ear and out the other. He simply does not care anymore, about what is important to me.)
I am tired of having to carry all responsibilty.
I am tired of having to make all the decisions by myself.
I am tired of living with a husband that acts like a 3rd child (or the first, if you wish).
I am tired of being the one, who has to take charge in trying to fix or improve our relationship.
I am tired of being disappointed.
I am tired of understanding.

The biggest problem I see for a salvation of this, is that I have just given up hope.

I want to stop turning into someone I don't like, and that's what I see happening here.
Also, soon enough he is going to be the one who will look at me and realize that he's had enough of my bitching and my sadness (if he will realize that he is the main source of this, is another question).

My mother (the family-therapist) says a temporary break (which I am yearning for) is definitely not the way to fix a relationship (but do I even want to be in this relationship anymore? If I would want to fix it it's because of the kids, I think.)
She suggests to take more space from each other, to designate own rooms in the house, for example...and to then "visit" each other (but return to one's room again). This should bring back some spark, should take out the rut and the taking each other for granted (but that will mean he'll still be messing up the rest of the house, play videogames to no end, and let me organize our life.)
The other thing she pointed out as important is to take time for oneself and to go on dates together (at least once a week)...to get back couple's time....where we are not mom and dad. - Sadly, I am so fed up, I don't even want to spend time with D alone anymore.
This is what worries me the most.
I am burnt out, I think.

To break up would probably be very very difficult. Not only because I am used to being with D. 11 years isn't nothing. Most problematic would probably be the fact that he won't leave. Knowing him I would have to get down-right nasty to get him to leave and I don't think I have the energy for that.

Only way for me to reconsider this: if he organizes therapy for us and gets me to go there (instead of me trying to get him to go ....but unlike him I would be willing to cooperate and find a way if I see he is trying.)

:/
life is kinda at a sucky point at the moment.
oh, and did I mention Maia is in the hospital with pneumonia?
yup. going back there now to spend another night there with her. poor little thing was crying so badly, when the doctor ordered another IV and told her she had to stay yet another night.
I'll post more on that later (already wrote it but no internet in the hospital, so will post later.)