you should do this

If someone were to ask you to describe the perfect day in a most perfect future, would you be able to do it? I've heard about this exercise and its seemingly magical power a few times now, but who finally convinced me to sit down and do, it was a guest on the Tim Ferriss show (if you're not listening to Tim's podcast, you're missing out on some truly deep and enlightening conversations).

Debbie Millman talked about not only her own success with this exercise, but also reports how many of her students, whom she has assigned said exercise to, reconnect years later to, incredulously, share how their perfect dream lives have become reality.

I already know how certain visualizations can manifest themselves, however, I've never gone to this specific extreme. I have to say, even though I was convinced I needed to do this exercise, I found myself at a loss of what my perfect day 5 years from now would look like. I suppose, it may have been due to fear of wishing for the wrong thing (like when I desperately wished to meet my soulmate, forgetting that I was already married. Not only did the manifestation of this dream ruin my marriage, it also "trapped" me in a deeply dependent love with someone who was highly dysfunctional and ultimately lost the battle with his demons, leaving me devastated and in grief for years.)
I also had just passed a paragraph in Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love, introducing a character who, for several years prayed for nothing but an open heart and then received his wish ... in the form of open heart surgery. So, I was a tiny bit apprehensive.

But, the other day, I finally decided I'm just going to sit down and let it flow out of me, with care and consideration, but without fear. I ended up writing for almost three hours. I couldn't believe it when I looked up at the clock. Furthermore, I had immersed myself so deeply into the writing of my dream day of the future, that I actually felt the moments of the day. I experienced love and excitement, an increase in my heart rate, a warmth in my chest, a shot of adrenaline and dopamine. I was so deep in, that I found myself disoriented when "my day" came to an end and I put the pen down.

Even if nothing becomes true, it was an amazing feeling to write this perfect day of 2022. Even just for that, it was worth doing it.

Now - I wait and see, I guess. Wait and see and keep moving.

dreaming small for the new year

Last New Year's Eve I spent alone at home, convincing myself that I don't need no-stinkin'-body to have a good time. Well, .. while that may be true for almost every other day or night of the year, on NYE, it's just a pathetic statement which is clearly based on self-delusion. So, this year, I made sure to invite a crazy amount of people to my place to ring in 2017 with the proper amount of rowdiness and noise. I paid for that decision with hours of preparation, a deep reach into my pocket, and even more hours of clean up, but it was worth it.

Anyway .. that's not why I'm here.
I wanted to write down some goals, for one thing I have heard over and over again in the past few years of listening to interviews with successful entrepreneurs and visionaries, it is that one must write down or somehow visualize their goals and dreams.

I am experiencing some problems with this concept. It's not that I don't believe in the effectiveness of this exercise. I do! In fact, on occasion, I have found it work for myself, if I'm clear and directed enough. And this is exactly where my issue lies. It's that I am pretty content where I am right now. Am I too modest with my dreams? None of the things I really need are of material value and I have most of them. Health, a warm and happy home with two lovely children; my apartment isn't fancy, but it's got a pretty view and the sun illuminates everything from morning to evening; I have had true love in my life and now I'm at a point at which I absolutely love being solo (no dating frustrations, no relationship issues ... just real freedom). My kids are in good schools and I don't work for anyone (i.e. no drama there either).
As far as I'm concerned, I'm good. Thank you, God! And thanks for giving me a break. Because 2013 into 2015 were pretty rough.

But, I know, without the willingness to change, nothing will change. That sounds like a pretty dumb statement. ... What I mean is that ... progress is only possible through the agent of change and to fulfill one's potential, one should always dream big. So -- I've decided, I'm going to try to dream bigger this year.

I did write a list of these "big" dreams in my daily journal, but when I sat down to meditate on this first day of the year, I found myself praying for completely different things.
Instead of asking for financial success and career fulfillment, I found myself in prayer for help.
Help to ....

• keep my mind clean and uncorrupted from the influences of mass media and the masses, in general
• continue to remember what is really important in life (not materialistic things, but health, love, family, inner peace, time with friends, intellectual stimulation, connection with the divine, as well as our true selves.)
• be not only generous but enthusiastically generous
• serve my purpose on this planet
• help others in need (hopefully via one of my callings)
• stay healthy
• be kind, always.
• forgive, truly.
• keep track of my priorities (children before everything else.)

Then I also found myself begging for the impossible. Peace on earth. Peace on earth. Chanting it like a mantra until I realized this may be impossible (like asking for a law of physics to change). A better thing to ask for, I decided mid-inner-chant, would be that all those who do have to suffer through darkness (war, loss, grief, or sickness) be given a little light in their days, despite their dire realities. Lord knows, such moments were what got me through my times of rock-bottom.

So much for my "big" dreams.  ...

is it wrong to combine smoke breaks with mediation?

I live by a fairly busy street and have grown used to the noise of passing cars, so it is particularly strange when it suddenly becomes completely silent outside because of an unpredictable traffic hole. I love this phenomena. I usually pause everything I'm doing, for the moment almost begs for attention. I was just presented with one of these rare moments. An opportunity to pause and listen to what remains - the birds, the sound of the wind in the treetops. A micro-meditation.

I've become accustomed to such mini-meditations, for I have decided a while back that I will settle for whatever brief pocket of time I can find in order to rebalance myself. Yesterday was so busy (although, I can't remember anything I did) that I combined my mini meditation with a cigarette on the fire escape. Is it wrong to combine Om-chants with smoking breaks?
I can't stand pan-flute music, but apparently it's a very hip instrument in the meditation music genre. So, I was very happy when I finally found this very basic Om-chant online.

I first learned about the ataractic physical sensation brought on by chanting when I was forced to go to a yoga class by one of my friends. She was actually teaching the class, so I had to be there for support. I used to despise yoga and thus it was a true friendship service for me to attend, particularly challenging in nature, for she included candle lighting by a picture of some guru and then - oh God - the chanting. However, I have to admit, to my great surprise, when I dutifully (and supportively) chanted along with the room, something happened. The vibrations of everyone humming together were incredibly realxing and left me liberated from the tension I had carried in my shoulders as well as, once again, reminding of the rewarding possibilities of opening up one's horizons.

Nowadays, I try to recreate this feeling of chant-vibration-induced serenity by sitting in front of a base-heavy speaker playing similar Om chants I find on Spotify. It's subpar to the real thing, sitting in a room full of people chanting together in unison, but it's like my micro-meditations: it'll do. it'll do.