one of those weeks. not much time to blog....so here one of my e-mail exchanges:
--------On 10/24/06, Rosa wrote:
I'm awake don't ask, so worried about new job. I start on Monday, so crazy. Come home, I miss you more. So lonely right now. Depressed, if you can believe it, although no one can tell.
I agree about the kids, Lucas is soooo big, fresh too, arrgh I don't like 5 year olds, can't wait for 6 (I still like him but it's mostly from past experience.)
I also burned Lucky Slevin and Shop girl, hope you didn't see them, but you probably did.
I've kicked Rick out of my life and am going through withdrawal, this too shall pass. By the way he says of course you can crash here, it's still not painted, but you might have to live with him and not me. I'm not very popular with him right now ( you know kicking him out and all).
Anyway, my goal right now is to kick ass at my new job, so I can get a promotion and raise so I can afford to send one of the twins to college. I'm so panicked about that... Yet, what the hell am I going to do, grin and bear it - bear it and grin ; ) What did I forget, oh shit forgot to pay Dario, will put into your account tomorrow without fail, so sorry. What's happening with the deportee??? Apostille, etc. Will soon be too busy to even write you a short note.
Kiss those girls for me and show them the one picture of me over and over again so they don't forget me. I show your family picture to Lucas everyday, it's on the fridge. Sometimes he gets sad and says "why is Maia so far away" or "Let's go see Maia".
I'm blabbering. Much love and kisses,Rosa
-------on 10/27/06 sisi wrote:
oh, it is so good to hear you talk (even if it is just in writing). can't believe YOU can get depressed. is that even possible? you are like my idol in positive outlook and living your life right, so you gotta keep that up ...otherwise my world comes crashing down. ;)
>> arrgh I don't like 5 year olds, can't wait for 6 (I still like him but it's mostly
from past experience.)
LOL ;D. that's hilarious. really, he's bad right now? maybe the whole laissez-faire montessori approach isn't the right way, after all (just kiddin'). I am surprised, because Maia is at a very good stage lately (4,5 is kind to us). She is pretty reasonable, very independent, and very enduring (can hold up even when she has a hard time doing it....e.g. at hiking, which she seems to dislike as much as I used to;)
>>so worried about new job. I start on Monday, so crazy.
why would you be worried? you rock and they are lucky to have somebody like u come in.
not only do you kick ass and got your act together, but you are also absolutely loveable....so they are getting a full package. :)
...and ...oh no....you are starting on Monday?!! ...so much for the Apostille. Did you get Dario's document, by the way? I had one of my co-workers Fed-ex or UPS it to you from Boston (or Seattle) or whereeverthehell they went. To save time (mailing from Austria and all)...
But, of course, ..you would still need instructions on how to get the Apostille. ... Well, I guess, tell me when you have a couple of hours to spare one of these days...
(Hopefully they won't deport him by then....although, that would save us in ticket costs, specially if we are coming back.)
Spoke to Susanne (our tenant) yesterday. She still is convinced she will be giving us money on the first of November. She is taking her man to court, apparently. But even if she does... how would she catch up on what she owes us?
I can't even think about what this situation has cost us. It's devastating...
I told her to please look for another living arrangement...and regardless, to please be responsible enough to pay what she owes us, ...even if she is not going to be living in the apt. anymore.
I am horse-backriding twice a week now and the excercise is really doing me good. Loosens the chronic knots in my back. (Apparently, I have problems with my spinal disks. I had an exam.)
Maia is riding her bike without training wheels now. That pedalless bike really did wonders. Someone gave us a little regular bike and she can ride it without problems. She still doesn't know how to start pedaling from stand-still but she just started riding this thing yesterday.
Nayla is huge (i.e. tall), compared to Maia at that age, anyway. She is talking English and German all mixed up but she is throwing in full sentences now. She loves to cuddle, hug, and kiss ...but she also loves to whine, scream, and slam doors. (The time-outs have begun, although she hasn't had a temper tantrum, yet. ... I remember this stage with Maia and it was full with those scary tt-s). She (Nayla) has been fully potty-trained for a while now (since before the summer, I think), and she insists on getting dressed herself. ;) To think that until very recently I still had to dress Maia. I didn't know they could do that at this age (she's just at 2,5 y. now). I have learned my lesson.
So, Marta is leaving on Tuesday.
Oh, how I wish, you could get on that plane with her and come visit, too.
The fall has been gorgeous here, by the way. This month it rained maybe one or two days, the rest was fantastic. You really learn to appreciate the weather here. It is never to be taken for granted.
All in all I have been feeling better. (HEY, maybe it is the weather! ;) ..I am known to be a sun-dependent child.) Really, I don't care why I am feeling better... I just am happy that I AM. It has been a dark phase for me for quite a while now and I am so glad to be able to see the light again. :)
anyway, ..I gotta go now. Got up at 5am for work today. Was at the job until 5pm. Then got the kids for an hour and finally went to excercise the horse (which includes me, too) for an hour.
I am tiired. Still have to book a hostel, though. Did I tell you? When Marta and Michelle are coming, we are going to take a quick trip to Florence! We found a flight for 2 cents!! (0.02!)
With taxes that comes to about 25 bucks per flight.
alrighty now.
I'm goin'.
xoxoxoxoxxo
love, sisi
PS: xox also to the boys.
PPS: I am thinking of getting bangs. (Big mistake? Great change? We will find out soon.)
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I think I'm one of them...
I just read this somewhere on parentcenter.com
"We middle class Americans are obsessed with academic achievement. It's become a sport for parents, who compete to have their children be the first to write, read, and perform other feats of precociousness at earlier and earlier ages. Before we know it, we'll be bummed out when they're not ready for a spelling bee by 12 months ("What's wrong with her? Am I a bad parent?"). With all due respect, so what if our toddlers aren't certified as "gifted" by 24 months and can't write their ABCs by 29 months? What we really need to be working on is social and emotional skills. The world doesn't need a new crop of neurotic overachievers. It needs more clear-headed and compassionate citizens who can navigate through the jungle of mixed messages, manipulations and, most important, fear and anger that characterize life in 21st century American society. Let's give them a leg up!"-- Conor & Liam's Dad
He's so right...but I think I am one of those "middle class Americans", he's talking about.....and I'm not even American. Sometimes I look at myself with pity for thinking this way but this behavior (as mentioned above) is contagious. It's not the competitiveness it's just the keeping up that got me. I mean, to ensure that Maia gets the best education (in the US, at least) I would have to play that f*in' game.
Here (in Austria - if you are new to the blog), I don't have to and the kindergarten teachers remind me every single time (when I ask if they won't let Maia do some letters, too), that they prefer if the kids focus on their social and emotional skills first. Reading and writing will come soon enough and they will all get it.
"We middle class Americans are obsessed with academic achievement. It's become a sport for parents, who compete to have their children be the first to write, read, and perform other feats of precociousness at earlier and earlier ages. Before we know it, we'll be bummed out when they're not ready for a spelling bee by 12 months ("What's wrong with her? Am I a bad parent?"). With all due respect, so what if our toddlers aren't certified as "gifted" by 24 months and can't write their ABCs by 29 months? What we really need to be working on is social and emotional skills. The world doesn't need a new crop of neurotic overachievers. It needs more clear-headed and compassionate citizens who can navigate through the jungle of mixed messages, manipulations and, most important, fear and anger that characterize life in 21st century American society. Let's give them a leg up!"-- Conor & Liam's Dad
He's so right...but I think I am one of those "middle class Americans", he's talking about.....and I'm not even American. Sometimes I look at myself with pity for thinking this way but this behavior (as mentioned above) is contagious. It's not the competitiveness it's just the keeping up that got me. I mean, to ensure that Maia gets the best education (in the US, at least) I would have to play that f*in' game.
Here (in Austria - if you are new to the blog), I don't have to and the kindergarten teachers remind me every single time (when I ask if they won't let Maia do some letters, too), that they prefer if the kids focus on their social and emotional skills first. Reading and writing will come soon enough and they will all get it.
one of the neighbors shows a found cocoon to the kids
mine are Nayla (middle) and Maia (right)
Maia on her bike
Thursday, October 19, 2006
life goes on even if you don't know what's coming tomorrow
After a little nervous-breakdown last week, which might be partially attributable to PMS, I am now still a little depressed but generally in a state of acceptance.
So, I have no job. So, my tenants have screwed me over and are pushing me into financial ruin. So, I am soon without a place to live.
What will come will come.
Life has passed me the unlucky card. It's not that unlucky anyway. It could be MUCH worse and I am grateful this is all I got. I've been wondering when it is my turn. My life has been too good.
It's time for some character building (...which in my case still seems to manifest in a light depression...but I'll work on that.)
Of course, this whole "Zen-ly" state of acceptance isn't so easy with my annoyingly over-analytical mind. Really, sometimes I wish I would be a bit more superficial and self-involved. It would be so much easier if I could, let's say, focus on my hair, my wardrobe, and my daily life. Instead, I have to go all out and add (to my daily crap) worries about humanity, the potential dangers for my kids everywhere, the world....
Maybe I've been too much on top of the news lately. Meanwhile, I KNOW this is just life. This is how people are and have been forever.
I should be getting wiser but really I am becoming more neurotic over the years. I've been wondering lately, where that optimistic, rational, strong, never-shedding-a-tear young woman I used to be has gone. Is it that life-experience let's us lose hope?
Geez, this blog is turning into a really depressing read lately. If you hop back a few months you will see that I used to write much differently. Yes, always bitching and moaning, but always with a lighter touch and a humorous angle. Also, my English is beginning to suck.
This too shall pass.
So, I have no job. So, my tenants have screwed me over and are pushing me into financial ruin. So, I am soon without a place to live.
What will come will come.
Life has passed me the unlucky card. It's not that unlucky anyway. It could be MUCH worse and I am grateful this is all I got. I've been wondering when it is my turn. My life has been too good.
It's time for some character building (...which in my case still seems to manifest in a light depression...but I'll work on that.)
Of course, this whole "Zen-ly" state of acceptance isn't so easy with my annoyingly over-analytical mind. Really, sometimes I wish I would be a bit more superficial and self-involved. It would be so much easier if I could, let's say, focus on my hair, my wardrobe, and my daily life. Instead, I have to go all out and add (to my daily crap) worries about humanity, the potential dangers for my kids everywhere, the world....
Maybe I've been too much on top of the news lately. Meanwhile, I KNOW this is just life. This is how people are and have been forever.
I should be getting wiser but really I am becoming more neurotic over the years. I've been wondering lately, where that optimistic, rational, strong, never-shedding-a-tear young woman I used to be has gone. Is it that life-experience let's us lose hope?
Geez, this blog is turning into a really depressing read lately. If you hop back a few months you will see that I used to write much differently. Yes, always bitching and moaning, but always with a lighter touch and a humorous angle. Also, my English is beginning to suck.
This too shall pass.
Monday, October 16, 2006
why all the hate?
I usually don't post whole articles I read into my blog ...but the link seems to not be working so I am making an exception:
In Iraq, reverence for ancient tomb of a Jewish prophet
by Peter Ford
The bearded worshiper moved slowly round the shrine in his bare feet,
uttering Muslim prayers and pausing every few steps to bend his head
and kiss the golden cloth that covered the holy tomb.
The dome above him, though, bore the painted floral traces of a very
un-Islamic past. And the script running around the walls also bore no
relation to the flowing Arabic calligraphy that decorates most mosques
in the Middle East.
It was in Hebrew. The body lying in the tomb that this devout Muslim
was venerating is that of the prophet Ezekiel. And until just 50 years
ago, the building sheltering it - first recorded by a 12th century
Jewish pilgrim - was a synagogue.
I knew Muslims revered many Jewish prophets, and Jesus, too. But to see
this Shiite Muslim paying respects at a site of Jewish pilgrimage more
than two millenniums old was a striking reminder of how universal
Iraq's heritage is.
Ezekiel, who preached to the Jews in exile by the waters of Babylon
during the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, lived here relatively recently, by
Mesopotamian standards. At the time he wrote down his ecstatic visions
in the 6th century BC, local people could already trace their history
back 2,500 years, to the dawn of our civilization.
In contemporary terms, these last few weeks have been historic for the
Middle East. And over the month and a half that I have been reporting
from Baghdad, I have come to realize what an extraordinary privilege it
has been to witness historic events in the land where mankind's
recorded history began.
I have watched Iraqi society start to recreate itself, bereft of
central authority, on the same soil where society as we know it first
emerged 8,500 years ago - when nomadic hunters in northern Iraq stopped
wandering and began to plant crops around the settlement of Jarmo.
Because for North Americans and Europeans it all began here, it is not
surprising that the Garden of Eden was reputed to have been in Qurnah,
near Iraq's outlet to the Persian Gulf. Abraham came from Ur, near
Nasariyah.
The first human settlements, the first writing, one of the first-known
legal codes, the first use of zero: the land now known as Iraq (which
means "firmly rooted country") can boast them all. Those of us who saw
the place through two-dimensional glasses that reduced it to Saddam
Hussein and weapons of mass destruction have a lot to learn.
Not that we have not already learned. Few people superstitious about a
black cat crossing their path know that they could trace their fear
back to a Babylonian belief. Nor do many of us think of the Babylonians
when we look at our watch faces, divided into 12 segments.
The average Iraqi, of course, is no more aware of his debt to ancient
Mesopotamians than is the average Westerner, although Saddam Hussein's
megalomanic propaganda made constant references to Iraq's glorious past.
But in Kifl, at any rate, the older people do remember the Jews,
despite Mr. Hussein's efforts to obliterate and vilify their memory.
Until the early 1950s, when almost all Iraqi Jews moved to the new
state of Israel, Ezekiel's tomb was a popular pilgrimage destination,
attracting Jews from as far away as Calcutta.
The Muslims coveted it, too: 20 yards from the shrine, above the ruins
of another mosque, stands a brick-faced minaret - built more than 1,000
years ago. A late 19th-century mayor of Kifl claimed it was evidence
that the tomb was an Islamic holy place, because Jews didn't build
minarets.
The Turkish sultan - who ruled the region at the time - first
dispatched a team of officials from Baghdad, then a commission from
Istanbul to get to the truth of the matter. Sitting in the shade of the
antique tower (which today leans alarmingly), both sets of
investigators compiled reports stating, contrary to the mayor's claims,
that they had seen no sign whatsoever of a minaret.
Two contemporary chroniclers, one Jewish and one Muslim, suggested that
this extraordinary oversight owed more than a little to the generosity
with which the Jewish community of Kifl received the officials, and to
the gifts with which they were sent on their way.
It is hard to see how the Jews might ever reclaim their synagogue
today, however the new Iraq may turn out. But one can hope that all
Iraqis, divided as they are into many ethnic and religious groups, will
come to share the straightforward wisdom of Haji Hadi Mitaeb, a
resident of Kifl for the past 88 years.
"I am an old man, I cannot read and I cannot write," he replied when I
asked what he would think if the Jews returned to his town. "But a good
man is a good man."
(c) Copyright 2006 The Christian Science Monitor. All rights reserved.
Click here to read this story online [if it works]:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2003/0602/p08s01-woiq.html
In Iraq, reverence for ancient tomb of a Jewish prophet
by Peter Ford
The bearded worshiper moved slowly round the shrine in his bare feet,
uttering Muslim prayers and pausing every few steps to bend his head
and kiss the golden cloth that covered the holy tomb.
The dome above him, though, bore the painted floral traces of a very
un-Islamic past. And the script running around the walls also bore no
relation to the flowing Arabic calligraphy that decorates most mosques
in the Middle East.
It was in Hebrew. The body lying in the tomb that this devout Muslim
was venerating is that of the prophet Ezekiel. And until just 50 years
ago, the building sheltering it - first recorded by a 12th century
Jewish pilgrim - was a synagogue.
I knew Muslims revered many Jewish prophets, and Jesus, too. But to see
this Shiite Muslim paying respects at a site of Jewish pilgrimage more
than two millenniums old was a striking reminder of how universal
Iraq's heritage is.
Ezekiel, who preached to the Jews in exile by the waters of Babylon
during the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, lived here relatively recently, by
Mesopotamian standards. At the time he wrote down his ecstatic visions
in the 6th century BC, local people could already trace their history
back 2,500 years, to the dawn of our civilization.
In contemporary terms, these last few weeks have been historic for the
Middle East. And over the month and a half that I have been reporting
from Baghdad, I have come to realize what an extraordinary privilege it
has been to witness historic events in the land where mankind's
recorded history began.
I have watched Iraqi society start to recreate itself, bereft of
central authority, on the same soil where society as we know it first
emerged 8,500 years ago - when nomadic hunters in northern Iraq stopped
wandering and began to plant crops around the settlement of Jarmo.
Because for North Americans and Europeans it all began here, it is not
surprising that the Garden of Eden was reputed to have been in Qurnah,
near Iraq's outlet to the Persian Gulf. Abraham came from Ur, near
Nasariyah.
The first human settlements, the first writing, one of the first-known
legal codes, the first use of zero: the land now known as Iraq (which
means "firmly rooted country") can boast them all. Those of us who saw
the place through two-dimensional glasses that reduced it to Saddam
Hussein and weapons of mass destruction have a lot to learn.
Not that we have not already learned. Few people superstitious about a
black cat crossing their path know that they could trace their fear
back to a Babylonian belief. Nor do many of us think of the Babylonians
when we look at our watch faces, divided into 12 segments.
The average Iraqi, of course, is no more aware of his debt to ancient
Mesopotamians than is the average Westerner, although Saddam Hussein's
megalomanic propaganda made constant references to Iraq's glorious past.
But in Kifl, at any rate, the older people do remember the Jews,
despite Mr. Hussein's efforts to obliterate and vilify their memory.
Until the early 1950s, when almost all Iraqi Jews moved to the new
state of Israel, Ezekiel's tomb was a popular pilgrimage destination,
attracting Jews from as far away as Calcutta.
The Muslims coveted it, too: 20 yards from the shrine, above the ruins
of another mosque, stands a brick-faced minaret - built more than 1,000
years ago. A late 19th-century mayor of Kifl claimed it was evidence
that the tomb was an Islamic holy place, because Jews didn't build
minarets.
The Turkish sultan - who ruled the region at the time - first
dispatched a team of officials from Baghdad, then a commission from
Istanbul to get to the truth of the matter. Sitting in the shade of the
antique tower (which today leans alarmingly), both sets of
investigators compiled reports stating, contrary to the mayor's claims,
that they had seen no sign whatsoever of a minaret.
Two contemporary chroniclers, one Jewish and one Muslim, suggested that
this extraordinary oversight owed more than a little to the generosity
with which the Jewish community of Kifl received the officials, and to
the gifts with which they were sent on their way.
It is hard to see how the Jews might ever reclaim their synagogue
today, however the new Iraq may turn out. But one can hope that all
Iraqis, divided as they are into many ethnic and religious groups, will
come to share the straightforward wisdom of Haji Hadi Mitaeb, a
resident of Kifl for the past 88 years.
"I am an old man, I cannot read and I cannot write," he replied when I
asked what he would think if the Jews returned to his town. "But a good
man is a good man."
(c) Copyright 2006 The Christian Science Monitor. All rights reserved.
Click here to read this story online [if it works]:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2003
Friday, October 13, 2006
fears of admitting one's heritage...
don't have much time to blog...so here an e-mail conversation I just had with a very good friend of mine in NYC.
shelly sends:
INTERNATIONAL / EUROPE October 11, 2006 Across Europe, Worries on Islam Spread to Center By DAN BILEFSKY and IAN FISHER More people in the political mainstream are arguing that Islam cannot be reconciled with European values.
---------- sisi writes:
interesting article and while it contains many true stories it also seems to have a pretty subjective angle. It worries me when I see NYTimes reporters taking on such an unobjective (uninformed) perspective....
All in all the (recent..and not that recent) developments world-wide make me very sad. People are so blind...on all sides....it seems like destiny that we are at constant conflict. God is testing us all and we are failing shamefully.
What disconcerns me as well is my own behavior. I am almost afraid to admit my heritage nowadays. I hope this doesn't all escalate one day. We all remember too painfully where the hatred against an entire people can lead (think WWII, think Sudan, think Yugoslavia, ...and I'm sure you can add plenty more. ... even in the U.S. hatred can escalate on levels that are dangerous...i.e. governmental levels (think Guantanamo, and similar, think Japanese internment camps, think post-9/11 1800-Tipps and the mass-detainment of anyone classifiable Muslim (and male).....
it is all fucked up.
this world is fucked up!
s. :< ------shelly writes: Ms., Good Morning: I do agree. I sent this to you because I didn't like that Austria was specifically mentioned-it made me very worried for you and your family. S., never be afraid of admittance of your heritage. I do understand your feeling on it; I have not been the keenest on being like yeah, I amPakistani. Remember this, there is no shame in who you are, though thruhistory people have denied who they were fearing persecution, I think the guilt that one persecutes themselves with is far worse than death. I had theopportunity to have lunch with Tina and Eve with my parents on Sunday(Jimmy had a b'day party his mom forgot about-whatever). Eve told me that people think she is Indian and I said well you know your dad was Pakistani, you should correct that- Tina immediately jumped in to say, it doesn't matter it is the same! Really, unless all you identify yourself as Punjabi, it is not the same. Growing up, we were offended, what, Indian? No way, we are Pakistani......how funny that the response has changed, maybe even sad. Be proud, practice as you see fit, and remember, no matter what, your dignity and faith can not be taken from you. I have already decided that I would be willing to die for my beliefs. If someone asked me if I was a Christian , I would say yes, regardless that there are horrible associations, in the end I am a follower of Christ, not mankind and that makes me Christian. Did you hear of the shootings in Pennsylvania's Amish country? Please readup on it. They have been a beacon in the world of not being ashamed of what others think and proved it by their forgiveness and willingness to grieve with the man who had killed their childrens' family. How is that for modern day faith?!
Ok, sorry that this is heavy. I love you and your family Sisi, and I would stand up for you in a heartbeat, now and forever.
Love till Chocolate Shakes-
Shelly
--------sisi writes:
hey girl,
yeah that Amish shooting story and the way the community embraces the shooters wife and children was amazing but, of course, mostly very sad (these poor children;( .
Ironically, I've been more on top of the news here (including US news and especially its foreign policies) than when I lived over there. I guess, it is that Europeans live within such close borders, they are just more inclined (and used) to looking across them.
Also, ..I mean...I work in a news-agency now...so...I see new stories coming in every few minutes.
It's scary how many shootings (and almost shootings) there have been in the States within the past week or so... Is this a recent thing...or did I not pay attention over there...or has it become such a common thing the news doesn't pick it up every time?
When will the government see that letting their citizens carry guns or keep guns at home usually only leads to accidents. I mean, what is the point of civilians being able to carry guns? So, they can defend their property?? ... that's what the police is for, no?
Alright, enough ranting for today.
It ain't better here. Shit happens here, too.
Maybe not that often or at the tragedy levels like in this huge country called USA...but enough crap. I guess, it would be fairer to compare the US with all of Western & Southern Europe and we'll probably be at the same level of human f*cked-up-ness. ;) (uuh, I think we can make this a word!)
And back I am at my loss of faith in human goodness.
sigh.
s.
PS: that story with Tina is just sad. She really seems to have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her family consists of more than just white people. She might never learn...but I trust that her children will find their way to their roots one day. This is what is great about America.... people are proud of their roots, they search for their roots, and they are interested in each other's roots.
shelly sends:
INTERNATIONAL / EUROPE October 11, 2006 Across Europe, Worries on Islam Spread to Center By DAN BILEFSKY and IAN FISHER More people in the political mainstream are arguing that Islam cannot be reconciled with European values.
---------- sisi writes:
interesting article and while it contains many true stories it also seems to have a pretty subjective angle. It worries me when I see NYTimes reporters taking on such an unobjective (uninformed) perspective....
All in all the (recent..and not that recent) developments world-wide make me very sad. People are so blind...on all sides....it seems like destiny that we are at constant conflict. God is testing us all and we are failing shamefully.
What disconcerns me as well is my own behavior. I am almost afraid to admit my heritage nowadays. I hope this doesn't all escalate one day. We all remember too painfully where the hatred against an entire people can lead (think WWII, think Sudan, think Yugoslavia, ...and I'm sure you can add plenty more. ... even in the U.S. hatred can escalate on levels that are dangerous...i.e. governmental levels (think Guantanamo, and similar, think Japanese internment camps, think post-9/11 1800-Tipps and the mass-detainment of anyone classifiable Muslim (and male).....
it is all fucked up.
this world is fucked up!
s. :< ------shelly writes: Ms., Good Morning: I do agree. I sent this to you because I didn't like that Austria was specifically mentioned-it made me very worried for you and your family. S., never be afraid of admittance of your heritage. I do understand your feeling on it; I have not been the keenest on being like yeah, I amPakistani. Remember this, there is no shame in who you are, though thruhistory people have denied who they were fearing persecution, I think the guilt that one persecutes themselves with is far worse than death. I had theopportunity to have lunch with Tina and Eve with my parents on Sunday(Jimmy had a b'day party his mom forgot about-whatever). Eve told me that people think she is Indian and I said well you know your dad was Pakistani, you should correct that- Tina immediately jumped in to say, it doesn't matter it is the same! Really, unless all you identify yourself as Punjabi, it is not the same. Growing up, we were offended, what, Indian? No way, we are Pakistani......how funny that the response has changed, maybe even sad. Be proud, practice as you see fit, and remember, no matter what, your dignity and faith can not be taken from you. I have already decided that I would be willing to die for my beliefs. If someone asked me if I was a Christian , I would say yes, regardless that there are horrible associations, in the end I am a follower of Christ, not mankind and that makes me Christian. Did you hear of the shootings in Pennsylvania's Amish country? Please readup on it. They have been a beacon in the world of not being ashamed of what others think and proved it by their forgiveness and willingness to grieve with the man who had killed their childrens' family. How is that for modern day faith?!
Ok, sorry that this is heavy. I love you and your family Sisi, and I would stand up for you in a heartbeat, now and forever.
Love till Chocolate Shakes-
Shelly
--------sisi writes:
hey girl,
yeah that Amish shooting story and the way the community embraces the shooters wife and children was amazing but, of course, mostly very sad (these poor children;( .
Ironically, I've been more on top of the news here (including US news and especially its foreign policies) than when I lived over there. I guess, it is that Europeans live within such close borders, they are just more inclined (and used) to looking across them.
Also, ..I mean...I work in a news-agency now...so...I see new stories coming in every few minutes.
It's scary how many shootings (and almost shootings) there have been in the States within the past week or so... Is this a recent thing...or did I not pay attention over there...or has it become such a common thing the news doesn't pick it up every time?
When will the government see that letting their citizens carry guns or keep guns at home usually only leads to accidents. I mean, what is the point of civilians being able to carry guns? So, they can defend their property?? ... that's what the police is for, no?
Alright, enough ranting for today.
It ain't better here. Shit happens here, too.
Maybe not that often or at the tragedy levels like in this huge country called USA...but enough crap. I guess, it would be fairer to compare the US with all of Western & Southern Europe and we'll probably be at the same level of human f*cked-up-ness. ;) (uuh, I think we can make this a word!)
And back I am at my loss of faith in human goodness.
sigh.
s.
PS: that story with Tina is just sad. She really seems to have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her family consists of more than just white people. She might never learn...but I trust that her children will find their way to their roots one day. This is what is great about America.... people are proud of their roots, they search for their roots, and they are interested in each other's roots.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
homesick..
even though I have come to terms with the fact that I will soon be out of a job and without a place to live -- I am taking it one day at a time at the moment to avoid going nuts about it -- I am still carrying an unshakeable (word?) sadness with me. I am still pretty homesick (for NYC) but, I suppose, it is only natural to long for my well established life back in NY when I am struggling for our existence over here. What I miss the most are still my friends, some of whom I consider like family.
A few days ago I was so determined to go back that I almost booked our flights back to NY (also, there was a great special going on, and I felt like I had to take advantage. ;)
I have to focus on the things that are positive and beautiful here...and there are so many things.
A few days ago I was so determined to go back that I almost booked our flights back to NY (also, there was a great special going on, and I felt like I had to take advantage. ;)
I have to focus on the things that are positive and beautiful here...and there are so many things.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
dreams, symbolisms, heartaches...
i had a lot of dreams last night. i finally got the chance to catch up on some much-needed sleep and it was full of many unconnected moments that I want to jot down here (mostly for myself):
- I am in a room (here in Austria). People have been cooking. Good, fresh, home-cookin'. However, I seem to be not able to wait, ...or maybe I want to make sure I have something I know I like to eat, so I have Dario hand me in a bag of packed food (the same thing - dumplings and sauerkraut, or something like that). When nobody is looking I dump the food out of the ziplock into a bowl on the table. I think the head of the table notices and frowns. I have no explanation.
> interpretation: the symbol most powerful here is probably the packed food, symbolizing my life in the U.S. which I am trying to sneak in, even though I could have something of much higher quality here, however, which requires my patience and my fitting into a community which seems judgmental.
- I am at work (here at my current job, the one I've been having so many troubles at). we are all sitting on tables, the sun shines outside but it looks dark, for the windows are tinted. The door opens. A pregnant woman comes in. She is wearing very summerly clothes (hotpants, which almost reveal her crotch). She seems uncomfortable, for everyone has turned to her. "Wow, it's cold in here," she says and then walks to back of the office to say hello to someone.
Our new editor-in-chief, a girl that seems to fit into my job as much as I do (i.e. not at all. too open, too outgoing, too sarcastic, etc.) calls over to me and asks if I am still planning to leave. I answer with a "yes, of course," not sure if she is glad I am leaving or not. Then she comes over and tries to tell me something. I notice, she is drunk. I call her on it and she smiles before she wobbles (torkel) away. As I watch her walking away I notice that this usually tall woman (who I might slightly identify with) is now small like a child.
> I don't really know how to interpret this one. Maybe just that my job is cold and depressing at times and that I worry about this girl who just took the job as our new editor-in-chief.
- I am in a car and I am trying to back up through a very narrow passage with cars parked left and right of me. A group of people is standing in front of the car watching me with a look in their eyes that only says: "you'll never make it."
I make it. Without a scratch.
> no need to interpret that one. another obvious one, referring to my situation and the fact that I seem to care a lot about what other people think. ... why, I wonder, whyyy?
- There is a puddle of mud, a small arena of mud rather, for there are people standing all around it watching this "game" whatever it is. It seems to involve dancing and trying to avoid to fall down into the mud. I'm next but I don't even get the chance to walk carefully into the middle to begin. Instead I lose my balance right at that moment and fall off the surrounding board. I catch myself and land on both feet in the mud. The guy who instructs me on what kind of dance I am supposed to do now, tells me to pay attention, for those first steps will be something I've never seen before and possibly more complicated than I've ever seen a dance-step. I pay attention and I feel confident but nervous at the same time.
> same interpretation as to the last dream.
and this one is an older dream, i've been meaning to write down (from 2 months ago or so):
- I am in NY. I am in a tall building and the damn thing won't stop shaking. The wind is so strong...
> interpretation to this one: deep-seated fears of living in NYC (trauma ignited on September 11, 2001).
- I am in a room (here in Austria). People have been cooking. Good, fresh, home-cookin'. However, I seem to be not able to wait, ...or maybe I want to make sure I have something I know I like to eat, so I have Dario hand me in a bag of packed food (the same thing - dumplings and sauerkraut, or something like that). When nobody is looking I dump the food out of the ziplock into a bowl on the table. I think the head of the table notices and frowns. I have no explanation.
> interpretation: the symbol most powerful here is probably the packed food, symbolizing my life in the U.S. which I am trying to sneak in, even though I could have something of much higher quality here, however, which requires my patience and my fitting into a community which seems judgmental.
- I am at work (here at my current job, the one I've been having so many troubles at). we are all sitting on tables, the sun shines outside but it looks dark, for the windows are tinted. The door opens. A pregnant woman comes in. She is wearing very summerly clothes (hotpants, which almost reveal her crotch). She seems uncomfortable, for everyone has turned to her. "Wow, it's cold in here," she says and then walks to back of the office to say hello to someone.
Our new editor-in-chief, a girl that seems to fit into my job as much as I do (i.e. not at all. too open, too outgoing, too sarcastic, etc.) calls over to me and asks if I am still planning to leave. I answer with a "yes, of course," not sure if she is glad I am leaving or not. Then she comes over and tries to tell me something. I notice, she is drunk. I call her on it and she smiles before she wobbles (torkel) away. As I watch her walking away I notice that this usually tall woman (who I might slightly identify with) is now small like a child.
> I don't really know how to interpret this one. Maybe just that my job is cold and depressing at times and that I worry about this girl who just took the job as our new editor-in-chief.
- I am in a car and I am trying to back up through a very narrow passage with cars parked left and right of me. A group of people is standing in front of the car watching me with a look in their eyes that only says: "you'll never make it."
I make it. Without a scratch.
> no need to interpret that one. another obvious one, referring to my situation and the fact that I seem to care a lot about what other people think. ... why, I wonder, whyyy?
- There is a puddle of mud, a small arena of mud rather, for there are people standing all around it watching this "game" whatever it is. It seems to involve dancing and trying to avoid to fall down into the mud. I'm next but I don't even get the chance to walk carefully into the middle to begin. Instead I lose my balance right at that moment and fall off the surrounding board. I catch myself and land on both feet in the mud. The guy who instructs me on what kind of dance I am supposed to do now, tells me to pay attention, for those first steps will be something I've never seen before and possibly more complicated than I've ever seen a dance-step. I pay attention and I feel confident but nervous at the same time.
> same interpretation as to the last dream.
and this one is an older dream, i've been meaning to write down (from 2 months ago or so):
- I am in NY. I am in a tall building and the damn thing won't stop shaking. The wind is so strong...
> interpretation to this one: deep-seated fears of living in NYC (trauma ignited on September 11, 2001).
Thursday, October 05, 2006
and I thought I had bad luck
so this is my current situation:
- lost my job last week.
- have to move out of my apartment even though we just moved in a few months ago.
- Dario is getting obstacles thrown into every step he takes with his new business here (which, since I am the German-speaking one, have to clear up).
- We just found out, he still needs another really hard to get document to become a legal resident here in Austria. This means weeks of work and possibly an expensive trip to NY.
- Our tenants in the NY apartment haven't paid the rent in months, and I'm about to run out of funds to cover their a**es.
- And every night, I get the wobbly plate. We have six plates but every single day during the past week or so I got the one plate that spins on its own axis during my whole meal.
but if you think this is kinda unfortunate, hear this:
one of the tenants (the wife) in our NY apt. told my brother in law that the reason she hasn't been paying the rent is because her husband has just left her. Apparently he cheated with some woman in the neighborhood. (So what happened in the months before that incident? They didn't pay much then, either.)
Anyway, so yesterday I called her on her cell-phone and with my luck (i.e. bad timing) I get her smack in the middle of some really worrisome situation. She told me that she was in the emergency room. When I asked her if everything was o.k., she told me that she once had breast-cancer and that it seems to have come back. :C
Now, if this is all true.... and even after 10 years in NYC...I still tend to believe people first, before I doubt them.... then it's a really f*cked up situation for her. First thing I thought is that bad luck is hunting her down even worse than me. ...
Of course, the money I will never see now is on my mind, as well..... so is the fact that I am beginning to approach a serious risk of losing my place there .... but somehow my sympathy for this woman is greater. I just feel really bad for her...
- lost my job last week.
- have to move out of my apartment even though we just moved in a few months ago.
- Dario is getting obstacles thrown into every step he takes with his new business here (which, since I am the German-speaking one, have to clear up).
- We just found out, he still needs another really hard to get document to become a legal resident here in Austria. This means weeks of work and possibly an expensive trip to NY.
- Our tenants in the NY apartment haven't paid the rent in months, and I'm about to run out of funds to cover their a**es.
- And every night, I get the wobbly plate. We have six plates but every single day during the past week or so I got the one plate that spins on its own axis during my whole meal.
but if you think this is kinda unfortunate, hear this:
one of the tenants (the wife) in our NY apt. told my brother in law that the reason she hasn't been paying the rent is because her husband has just left her. Apparently he cheated with some woman in the neighborhood. (So what happened in the months before that incident? They didn't pay much then, either.)
Anyway, so yesterday I called her on her cell-phone and with my luck (i.e. bad timing) I get her smack in the middle of some really worrisome situation. She told me that she was in the emergency room. When I asked her if everything was o.k., she told me that she once had breast-cancer and that it seems to have come back. :C
Now, if this is all true.... and even after 10 years in NYC...I still tend to believe people first, before I doubt them.... then it's a really f*cked up situation for her. First thing I thought is that bad luck is hunting her down even worse than me. ...
Of course, the money I will never see now is on my mind, as well..... so is the fact that I am beginning to approach a serious risk of losing my place there .... but somehow my sympathy for this woman is greater. I just feel really bad for her...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
