and so we went to see a Verdi opera...

the whole week I was wondering why I had volunteeringly bought tickets to the opening of Verdi's Troubadour and was secretly hoping our babysitter wouldn't show up, just so we don't have to sit through a two-and-a-half hour long opera. It was your typical "on-sale-panic" ... something goes on sale and you suddenly feel overcome by the urge to buy, even though you have absolutely no use for said item....you just apply the general and all-covering principle of the motto "one never knows" and you're good to go. Little did I know that my neighbor got tickets to the same opera for almost half of the bargain I paid.

anyway, so I dragged Dario with me and was despised for it for most of the evening. not only did I keep him with my "culture" from his all-day-anticipated game at home but I also exposed him to millions of bugbites and a dozen arias, which nobody understood a word of.
once in a while he threw me a quick mercy-translation of what he picked up (since it was sung in Italian), although, I think, I always got the ghetto version of what was said. (eg. D: that lady, who is stumbling around like a drunk by the way, sure has a lot to say. me: she isn't stumbling around like a drunk she is being dramatic....what'd she say? D: basically...that payback is a bitch.
;) I think he kinda brought the piece to the point with that statement, for I finally couldn't take it anymore and against all opera-proper behavior pulled out a newspaper, where I had seen a short description of the plot earlier. the story is so complicated I had to read the plot three times. when my seat neighbor asked me for the paper I knew, I wasn't the only one who had no clue what the hell was going on on stage. I still don't know what a Troubadour really is, though.

Must remember for next opera trip:

a) leave work early so there is still time to eat dinner, change work-clothes, brush crazy hair from drive home, and to put on make-up.

b) leave on time (as to not be stared at while making an entire row of people rise during the first act so you can get your fat, underdressed, and particularly late ass to your seat).

c) also, to be on time: try not to invite people over at the same time you are supposed to leave the house (an old friend of mine had spontaneously called and I had invited him over for a quick update and a house-tour. in my defense, I thought it was an hour earlier than it really was.)

d) tickets (forgot them at first)

e) there is an embarrassing difference in size between regular binoculars and opera binoculars.

f) PREPARE. know what your going to see. preferably in detail, for those arias are looong and if you don't know what the heck they're saying you will get bored pretty quickly. An opera isn't a blockbuster. The story usually is strong and dramatic but the performance is no action-crazy on-the-edge-of-your-seat kinda series of events.

but seriously, now. it wasn't bad at all. the arias were a bit long sometimes but the sun-set atmosphere was great (it's a set built on the lake of Constance), the music was really not what I expected (beautifully played by the Vienna Philharmonics), and Dario agreed that he did actually like it, after all.
I feel a little bit smarter now. ;) ... just kidding. of course, this wasn't the first opera I've seen (I have actually been in an opera once...with a small supporting non-singing (!) role)... but I really do think it's good to feed your brain something else once in while. something that isn't so easy to digest, as everything else in nowadays' short attention-span driven society.

over the hedge

went out to the movies with D yesterday. Over The Hedge was our movie of choice, ...mostly because it was the only choice. Did I mention the two-week cycle of English movie night in the Cineplexx here?
Anyway, it was great. Haven't had that many laughs in a while. ;)
D liked it, too, and he usually tries to ridicule me (if ridicule can be used as a verb), because I like "cartoons". It's not a "cartoon", I always argue, it's an "animation", which I try to sell as something with more class.
Of course,...I do like cartoons, too. ;) Mostly the classics, though..., ...except for printed cartoons/comix. of those I like the more modern ones better (eg boondocks, get fuzzy, calvin & hobbes, gary larson, etc.). ... like you care.

Anyway, I should be working and not blogging...so off I go.

oh, and I really am liking my thirties....the sex is getting better and better.
I just had a need to share that. it is not all down-hill from the day you turn 30. ;)...although, I am getting fatter...
and my eye-sight isn't all that..and my back is killing me...and...
yeah..ehm...I am not making my point very well,...so, I'm gonna go.

laterz, as my friend tricky would say.

maybe not that happy after all? or maybe just a bit schizo.

unless you can break down crying for no reason when you should be "happy" (or thought you were) then I might be not so happy, after all. I guess it is the fact that I am close to a burn-out. My job is demanding to no end, I have lots of responsibilities but no power, and to top it all off I feel like I am always one fighting against the masses. Everybody seems to hate, blame, and criticize the projectmanager...or do I have to say ME, the projectmanager. sigh.
I am now racing between two company locations and my work-load has doubled. Of course, at home I still have to do a juicy part of the workload (kids and household stuff), so I think, I will soon have reached the point where I would like to bungeejump off a bridge.

Fact is that no matter how happy I am to be out of the big city, I miss my friends in New York badly. I mean, I have good friends here but they are just not as accessible as, for example, my friend Rosa who lived upstairs from me, or my friend Marta who sat in the office next-door to me. I underestimated how valuable such daily venting about little crap can be.
I just don't have this now and the added stress of being the sole provider of our existence isn't making this any easier.

so, and now I have to get back to work. another set of over-time.
and tomorrow I am supposed to be at work at 7:30 ..HA HA!

if you now read the next (i.e. previous post) you'll think I'm schizo. and if you know my blog then you probably have been thinking that for a while now. ;)

happiness?

I've been wondering, whether I am content with my decision of having moved to Austria or not and I haven't found the definitive answer until just a few days ago, when someone told me to ask myself, where I feel more at peace and I knew that answer was "here" (in Vorarlberg).
Nevertheless, I seem to have an inner turmoil about this. Maybe it is my rebellious self, the one that called all the shots in my "younger" years. The reason I might have been insecure about my decision is that my rebellious self has been (and still is) confusing me by telling me that I am not supposed to feel content in this "godforsaken place" - as I would have referred to it in my youth.
I am supposed to yearn for the big city, the vibrant melting-pot I loved for so long. Instead, I find myself happy with the fact that I have to fight no traffic, that I can park whereever I please, that my kids can roam around carefree, and that every night I can watch a different sunset over the lake of Constance, right from the convenience of my terrace.



Of course, not all is happy and dandy. Today, for example, I realized that I think I am in the wrong career. I was sitting in a room full of people who were willing to put in 15 hours a day, because they really love their job. I, on the other hand, feel resentful for every extra hour I have to spend in my office (which there are many of - hours, I mean). And then I remembered when I last had this passion about a job (working 24hour days sometimes). This was during my days at the film-production, I used to work for.
I was 18 and shamelessly exploited there but, nevertheless, I have never found more joy in a job. It is a field full of creativity and interesting people. Of course, you meet your regular idiots and a-holes but all in all it is a fun business.
Unfortunately, this realization is coming kinda late. How the hell would I pull such a career-change off now? Especially in Vorarlberg. HA HA!

Well, one can't have everything in life and thus I am going to focus on the things that make me happy.

faux pas and other rants

today I walked into an optician's store (or was it an ophthalmologist?) to get my glasses fixed. behind the counter was a - what my friend Vern would call "foxy" -girl. I estimated her age about 10 years less than what I lug around.
She fixed my glasses (the frames) for free and curious about further ophthalmological treatment I asked her where the doctor is.
I am the doctor, she replied dryly.
Oh, I began to stutter, I'm sorry. sure. it's just that you know how it is when you reach that age..we are really getting older...everyone is looking so young to me now..(thinking: oh no, did I just tell her she is old?) ...I mean,..ehm..it's just that your shirt (thinking your boobs)...
it's ok, she tried to save me from my sad twirl-down (note the sophisticated choice of words here: twirl-down. ..there must be a better term to describe this. but like so often, I am tired and semi-braindead and thus way too tired to look up synonyms, never mind THINk of a synonym.)

---------

there are no English movies here in Vorarlberg. Except for Sneak-Preview night every two weeks. I am really starting to suffer under the movie-going-deficit. we actually drive over to Switzerland sometimes to see a U.S.movie undubbed.
Well, it's not like it's a much further drive than it used to be in New York City. 40 min. and no traffic is not too bad.
-----------

damn, I am trying to post this and the blogger server(s?) is (are) just reaally slow right now. Assuming that most bloggers on blogger.com are Americans, probably old enough to work, I am wondering: What the hell are these people doing? YOU SHOULD BE WORKING over there! it is 2:55pm. ;) What are you doing blogging?
Don't you love my mathematical/statistical ambitions lately? I love making assumptions for the sake of a good (pointless) running of the mind. ... must stop that, as not to sound like a dumba**.

campaign for the 1-second film

Since this is the second time I am watching this video with amusement, I thought it is worth to share (i.e. blog). Fun for the movie buffs, anyway.

I have moved on

I am happy to report that I think I have now officially moved on from the sh*t I've been obsessed with for the past couple of months. Those of you who read my blog regularly know what I am talking about, for others: it's just another stupid woman obsessed by illusion of man story.

The amazing thing about my having moved on is that it happened with the help of Dario. He just put things in perspective for me. Really brought me back to earth, and reality for that matter.
It happened a few days ago, when we went out on another one of our rather frequent dates lately (this rediscovering-your-old-relationship crap really works!)
We went out on our bicycles, explored the old parts of the state capital (Bregenz. looked at buildings dating back to the 13th century), went out for a long dinner (sat and talked for hours in that garden cafe), and then had the best sex since...hmm..yes..ever.

forgetful thinking

I have reached a degree of forgetfulness, which I find depressing and at the same time fascinating enough to blog.
...you won't believe this but I just forgot what I wanted to write.....
this is disconcerting.
...
ok. now I've got it.
it's my missing car radio story. Every day since I have my little Golf Rabbit (the one with the insane mileage on it) I am telling myself that I must remember to go online and get a radio. So, I actively think about this task for the whole quiet ride to and from work, every day 10-15 min. each way.
Let's see, ... I have the car for about a month now, maybe more...but let's say 30 days. That's 30x2=60 (I am not factoring in the weekends or the extra rides inbetween). This simple calculation brings me to the realization that I have now effectively forgotten this task 60 consecutive times, even though I am reminded TWICE every day. This is a very very sad state of mind, I must say.

---------------
if I hear one more Reggeaton song I'm going to have a fit (this is all D listens to right now...and literally: Right NOW). and when I cleaned the floors today (after a long day of work), I came to the conclusion that when Dario says he "vacuumed today", he also counts the times when he rolled out the vacuum to pick up the little bit of rice he spilled over by the dishwasher. ...the carpets were filthy I tell you. disgusting. Looks like I'm going to have to throw in that "second shift" after all.

floods

Hope you guys back home (yes, now I feel like "back home" refers to New York) are ok!



Photo by James Estrin (New York Times)

Click here for the Article.

guess who's a failure

this is quite funny.. ;)
go to www.google.com ...type in the word failure and click on "I'm feeling lucky".

Better try this now. Who knows, Google might get paranoid and take it off, which -really - would be kinda sad.

if I had a cool links list this would be on it

www.pandora.com
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

an online radio-system that learns the kind of music you like (enter the song or artist you like and the pandora player will start playing stuff it thinks you might like, too). then you can micromanage, if you want..and give each song that plays a thumbs up or down.

first artists name I entered: sam phillips

topless bathing is out isn't it?

D and I biked to a lake this weekend. We packed our backpack for like a half an hour, wanting to be prepared for the trip of which we thought will take about an hour. We covered the kids in sunscreen, filled our bike bottles with water, checked the tire pressure,...the works.
Then it took us about 15 minutes to get there.
We had no idea how close we were to that lake.

When we approached the water, I spotted a woman wearing only a bikini-bottom. Hey, I said to D, look it’s your first topless woman! ;)(I was referring to the European costum of stripping down to nothing when near any body of water.) Dario glanced over and then straightened his gaze again in appropriate matter. We dropped our bags, and I decided that I’ll go get the bikes, which we had parked unlocked at the other side of the lake (which by the way, is really more of a pond).
No five minutes had passed until I returned and Dario was already happily chatting with the topless chick.
I broke into laughter just because I found this to be too funny. I couldn’t stop laughing and didn’t want to offend the girl, so I just settled down a few feet away from them.
When D came over to explain that she was the one who started talking to him, I nodded seriously and in agreement.
The girl came over to me later, as well. I don't know how people (women who like to sunbathe topless - in public) do it. How can you talk to someone with your top off and not worry that really they have no idea what you're saying because they're too busy staring at your breasts. Maybe it's a good diversion tactic. If you're not happy with your face, just take your top off and any guy will be happy to talk to you.
But what I really have to get used to is the fact that men strip, too. There you are, innocently taking your kids for a stroll along the Blue Danube, and BAM - there's a naked man on the grass next to you.
Lots of getting used to to do.
;)

daily rant

for days it has been sunny and hot here now, and every time I want to die when I get into my car after work, for it feels like a sauna on wheels (need I bring up the 253.000 miles again? well, usually a car with that many miles -aka years- on it doesn't come with an A/C, unless it's an American car maybe.)

anyway,...so today...was the ONE day I thought, hmm, let's prevent post-labor heatstroke by leaving the windows open. Unfortunately, I forgot about the fact that Austrian (ie. Vorarlbergian) weather can never be trusted. Sunshine is always just a tease and I fell for it. Two days it was gorgeous and that seemed to be enough already. The rain came in a storming, torrential kinda way. Filled up the inside door-compartments of my car and soaked every single seat to the steel below it.
Good thing I work for a media company now. I seem to always carry all newspapers of the week with me, although I never really get around to actually read them. Well, they soaked through immediately and I am looking forward to the mold smell, which will surely develop in my beloved vehicle - just give it a few days.

Oh well, at least there might be a chance that the mold smell will finally outdo the overwhelmingly nauseating cow-dung-smell that's been part of the air here since our arrival in April. Actually, I've been told the farmers here now use penguin excrements instead of cow menure to fertilize the fields. This would explain the exponentially worse smell. I don't recall this kind of intensity of odor and I grew up here.

the things I would do...

no, this is not a dirty post if that's what you think...
this is my personal to-do-list, also called "the wishlist":
Here it goes:

x sh*t now I can't remember anything. ... so maybe I should first wish for
x a functional brain.

x write a sit-com (yeah, whatever. .... actually, to tell the truth, I really wanted to write an episode for the Gilmore Girls but I was almost too embarrassed to write that down, for I am convinced most readers of my blog probably despise (spelling?) that show. Anyway, I identify with the mother - quirky, caffeine-addicted, overanalytical, can't fit into the small-town life she loves regardless, etc.
Unfortunately, unlike Lorelei Gilmore, I can't eat anything I want (although, lately it seems that I think I can and have thus been getting fatter. <- was that even an English sentence? ...I guess, the real reason I won't be writing for TV is not because I don't find time but because I can't write for sh*t. Also, I really wouldn't be able to talk "ghetto" like that.

x set up a blog for my friend Johannes' "message". He is sort of an unvoluntary psychic and once in a while he gets very strong "contact", or whatever you want to call it, from the other side. This might sound stupid to you, specially if you don't believe in this kind of stuff, but I know this man for a long time and he is not only very sane but also very balanced in his life. He doesn't make up sh*t like that.
Anyway, he has sent me this document of a message/revelation/whatever it is he had about a year ago. It is about Ground Zero and its future. When I read that message my heart began to beat faster and I began to tremble. It is so detailed and so strong that I just have to translate it (from German to English)...and I thought to do that via a separate blog might be the best way, since it gives room for feedback.

xWrite a letter to Carla (that I miss her). [now that item on my list is so complicated to approach - on so many levels - that I really don't see it happening. Plus, as Rosa said (quite disillusioning) to her I will probably just always remain that "bitch". For details on this story see this post and its comments:
no more turning back now (april)

x Direct or/and act in a movie. (ok. now that should be on 43things.com ...under things I will realistically never get to do in this lifetime. sad. sad.)

x Open up an Import/Export business. (The main motivation here is to get all the stuff I miss from the US over here. I am approaching the bottom of my last Dunkin Donuts coffeebag. Panic is taking over. I need bigger sized Mudd Jeans (all my 2-s and 5-s are now officially history). I had a very depressing evening yesterday, sorting through my clothes...

x Put all my extra photos on Flickr.

x dust

x install my car radio

x Back-up my computer

x ok. obviously I can't remember any significant to-do items at this point. It is now 1:27 a.m. (MEZ ..i.e. Middle European Timezone) and I am beginning to fade...

I don't quite qualify

So, I was thinking of joining the blogging mommies ring (www.bloggingmommies.com).

I gave that up really quickly after reading rule number two:

General Rules
2. No flames, hostility, whining, complaining or excessive negativity.

How the hell can you write a sincere mother's blog and not be hostile, whine, complain and be negative? That's like a paradox, isn't it?

Oh well, I probably wouldn't have done well in a mommie's network anyway. Bitching Mama... somehow that just doesn't seem to fit in.

PS: I woke up from a bad nightmare this morning. .... I suddenly found out I was 35 weeks pregnant! ....ahhhh. pregnancy would be one of the most unfortunate (not tragical) things, which could possibly happen right now. Besides the fact that I am the sole provider at the moment (i.e. can't be out for childbearing reasons), I really don't want any extra kids at the moment.
At the same time, I know that I would be unable to terminate a pregnancy, as much as I am a pro-choice kinda woman. Not after almost not having Nayla. I can't imagine not having had her (hmm, grammar?) and I am infintely grateful for the influences that in the end (at the last moment, so to say) kept me from terminating.

Maia wants to go home to NY

Today as I was driving home from my dad's house Maia suddenly got angry in the backseat and whined: Mum, I don't like Austria anymore. I wanna go home. Take me to the airport right now.
Me: Take you to the airport right now?
Maia: Yes.
Me:Why don't you like Austria, baby?
Maia: It always rains and nobody speaks German.
Me: But that's not true. There are plenty of people who speak English. ...and wouldn't you miss your grandma and grandpa...and your new friends here?
Maia: I don't care. I wanna see my old friends. From my old school.

Finally, I gave up (or realized that I should be validating her feelings) and told her I missed NY, too, but that Austria - while very rainy - is also very beautiful.
And just then, God tore open the clouds and bathed us in a warming sunlight. SUUN, baby screamed! ;)

I am not making this up. And I am saying God, because it had been raining for WEEKS until this very moment of Maia's sadness.

live without regrets

I am going to stop listening to music, I've decided.
It just wakes emotions and I am sick and tired of the whole emotional crap. What happened to my good old "Nothing can break me-because really I just give a shit"-attitude? .......... It probably never really existed.
So, but ...I've realized now since I have no radio in my new going-to-work car (the Golf with the 253.000 miles on it) that it really is all for the better. It gives me time to think without getting all sentimental. No songs that remind me of my homesickness, lost friendships, or anything in the past.

I am, of course, looking for a carradio on ebay so really, I am just bullshitting with this whole "who needs music"-bit. ;)

I am trying hard not to make a sappy bitching entry. Despite the title of my blog I am trying to live by a new motto: I want to live without regrets.

I found this website called 43 things. It's pretty cool.
And maybe I'll find some inspiration.
This is where I got my above mentioned new motto from:
http://www.43things.com/people/progress/NinaWills/3039422

cheers!

getting dumber every year

Unlike the people captured in the above statistic, I think, I am getting dumber by the minute....but definitely dumber every year.
My short-term memory is completely shot, and things I used to figure out real quickly, I now don't get at all.
I wonder what it is. Is it my lack of studying? Is it the long non-challenging period I stuck with my last job?
Is it the lack of sleep, the crappy food I eat? Or am I just inevitably getting older and dumber? There must be ways to stop this degeneration of my braincells.
I even bought a mind-exercising book. Don't remember the name of it right now. ...sigh...as you can see it works very well.

The sad truth is that I am too damn lazy to do stuff I find an unneccessary waste of time. Like Sudoku. What the hell is the hype about?
I even suck at the kiddie sudoku Maia is playing (...the same thing but with images instead of numbers). I just lack the enthusiasm.

No, but seriously. I am too tired for all this but at the same time I am very frustrated about it.
At night, I fall into bed so exhaustedly that I am happy if I can keep my eyes open long enough to read for at least 5 minutes.

Reading Vanishing Point at the moment. Excellent novel, btw.

what the ..?!?

what the hell? where did all these people suddenly come from? I guess, that's from the link on The Hose. Now I feel all pressured to write ... more regularly anyway, for everyone knows a blog is like a plant. I needs to be tended to, or it will die.
I'd like to compare my blog to a cactus. If my blogspot faces the same death as my plants, I'll be seriously depressed. Not only because that would mean no-one is reading it anymore but - worse - because that would mean I haven't found time to write. Like now. I really don't have time to write so I am talking bullshit.

before I go...
News in short:

- bought a new car. well, actually...it's a few years old. And it has 253.000 miles on it. (cheers!)

- must find better job (to buy better cars)

- I crashed my other car. And I knew I was going to. Had a premonition (spelling?) minutes beforehand.

- Rosa, Lucas, and Rick (Lucas' dad) came to visit. It rained for days and yesterday it actually snowed (2 days before June, mind you). You can imagine the fun we had...or better the fun they had. I was just very happy Rosa was here. Rick I wanted to kill at the end of the week. He is like Dario (with his bad habits) times 4. He's also a very sweet guy but I now finally understand why Rosa cannot/doesn't want to be with him.

- one of my dearest best friends (Anita) is getting married and she asked someone else to be her maid of honor (something about that this friend of hers asked her a few months ago and she felt obligated to ask her in return). When she told me (thinking I don't care about crap like that) I started to cry like a bitch. It was embarrassing. I am way too emotional lately.

- we still don't have our stuff (from the move) and it's been 2 months.

my blog sucks

my God. look at the statistics of the DailyKos Blog...




I will refrain from posting my own statistics for self-preservatory purposes. Also, it would just really be sad to look at (in comparison).

Anywho.