Monday, July 10, 2006

happiness?

I've been wondering, whether I am content with my decision of having moved to Austria or not and I haven't found the definitive answer until just a few days ago, when someone told me to ask myself, where I feel more at peace and I knew that answer was "here" (in Vorarlberg).
Nevertheless, I seem to have an inner turmoil about this. Maybe it is my rebellious self, the one that called all the shots in my "younger" years. The reason I might have been insecure about my decision is that my rebellious self has been (and still is) confusing me by telling me that I am not supposed to feel content in this "godforsaken place" - as I would have referred to it in my youth.
I am supposed to yearn for the big city, the vibrant melting-pot I loved for so long. Instead, I find myself happy with the fact that I have to fight no traffic, that I can park whereever I please, that my kids can roam around carefree, and that every night I can watch a different sunset over the lake of Constance, right from the convenience of my terrace.



Of course, not all is happy and dandy. Today, for example, I realized that I think I am in the wrong career. I was sitting in a room full of people who were willing to put in 15 hours a day, because they really love their job. I, on the other hand, feel resentful for every extra hour I have to spend in my office (which there are many of - hours, I mean). And then I remembered when I last had this passion about a job (working 24hour days sometimes). This was during my days at the film-production, I used to work for.
I was 18 and shamelessly exploited there but, nevertheless, I have never found more joy in a job. It is a field full of creativity and interesting people. Of course, you meet your regular idiots and a-holes but all in all it is a fun business.
Unfortunately, this realization is coming kinda late. How the hell would I pull such a career-change off now? Especially in Vorarlberg. HA HA!

Well, one can't have everything in life and thus I am going to focus on the things that make me happy.

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