why can't we be happy

ok, so I am aware of why I am not particularly content at the moment (see bad luck streak described in earlier posts - bad job, lost apartment, non-paying tenants, etc.) but I must say, I have realized that I have spent most of my life complaining of where I am at the moment.
I have also observed similar behavior in my friends, so I would say it's a human habit. Why can we never be happy? (if anybody leaves me a comment now about how happy and dandy they are with their lives, I'm gonna have a fit.) Nah, but seriously.... I mean, I am grateful for my life and my family and all the things I have but the moments of true happiness are very short-lived. Most often they include my children (when they are not whining and screaming for no good reason ;) or when I am in nature.

Maybe I can't think straight at the moment (in a work-haze), and that's why I feel like there is no light.

My job, you won't believe it, has gotten worse. Now my boss is critizing my work, which makes it really official now: EVERYBODY hates the project manager.
I have never ever woken up in the morning and didn't want to go to work. I have never felt uncomfortable or unhappy going to work. Understimulated, maybe ...but never unhappy...(yes, I am aware of the fact that I just told you that I am never happy. geez...do you have to take everything so literal? ;)
Anyway, so I have never been depressed about going to work and I certainly never ever have cried because of the pressure of my job. Granted, I have a lot to carry right now (lone breadwinner, etc.) and I am possibly PMSing...but today was the second time I had to retreat into the bathroom to cry because I couldn't take it anymore.

I am such a whiner I am annoying myself.
Lemme go.
I'll be back when I have better stuff to blog.

unstable New Yorkers?

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "D humors me":
You find that New Yorkers are unstable? I thought you loved New York and thus New Yorkers?
--------------------------------------

I knew I was gonna hear it for that one. First of all, you can't throw everyone in one pot and there are about 8 million people in NYC - so: NO, of course, I don't think New Yorkers are unstable. If you know my blog then you will also know that some of my very best and dearest friends are New Yorkers, so ...

However, in a city and in a country as big as NY or the US there is a whole bunch of unstable people, and I have met quite a few of them having lived in NYC for 10 years. And if you are a New Yorker then you should know what I am talking about.




Now, of course, there are unstable people everywhere, but I come from a small country (Austria) and grew up in an even smaller state within it (Vorarlberg) and I have never met anyone unstable. They just are who they are, ....which doesn't mean they are all great. But, and I have said this before, asses are gonna be asses pretty much from the start. They are not going to be sweet and nice and always helpful and then suddenly turn psycho on you.

For example, betrayals or break-ups (or the concept of "back-stabbing") by one's friends was completely foreign to me until I've moved to the States. I am reading Queen Bees & Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman at the moment and what she describes as simple reality of American girls' adolescence is strange and scary to me at the same time. Apparently it is only natural for teenage girls (and their friends) to betray each other or play with trust.
Wiseman writes: Many girls will make it through their teen years precisely because they have the support and care of a few good friends. These are the friendships where a girl truly feels uncoditionally accepted and understood - and they can last into adulthood and support her search for adult relationships. On the other hand, girls can be each other's worst enemies. Girls' friendships in adolescence are often intense, confusing, frustrating, and humiliating, the joy and security of "best friends" shattered by devastating breakups and betrayals.

I wonder, what kind of guidance I would be to my girls if we'd decided to move back, which might not be all that impossible - given the latest developments (not all blogged, yet). I would be completely useless, for I have NO IDEA how to handle the apparently very normal conditions of US middle- and highschool social life. The best friends I have made during my schoolyears are still my best friends. The people we didn't click with in middle- or highschool we just didn't click with (were still polite and friendly with) but this was about the end of it. There was no ostracizing, no bad-mouthing, no intrigue, and certainly no jokes about one's choice of clothes (geez, I think I would have been burnt at the stake, had I gone to school in the US.... thinking about all the fashion-mistakes I've commited. That's what you get from being raised by your father only. No woman to stop you when you're walking out the door looking like you've randomly picked your wardrobe out of a Good-will clothes collectionbox.)

However, the realities presented to me in the above mentioned book kind of make me understand why I was so traumatized by my broken frienship(s) in New York. I was just not familiar with the concept of friends breaking up or sabotaging each other and it completely threw me off.

People always have told me I have too much trust in others. But, I must say, I am beginning to lose that trust... I have become so disillusioned and numb lately. It's kinda funny actually. I've been having much more drama during my adulthood so far than I have had my entire childhood or adolesence. Maybe it's just the universe's way to create a balance. ;)

I asked my friend Heidi, with whom I grew up, if she thinks that maybe it was just the way we were? Or if, maybe, it could be me? Maybe I am blind to the sneakyness of others. Maybe my naïveté protected me and made me who I am. I truly believe all people are good to begin with and that it is always in their heart somewhere, regardless of all the bad they might do or have done in their lives. I really really try to never be judgmental toward the individual in front of me (and the bitching doesn't mean anything). I will always forgive someone who apologizes and I always try to understand.

...how the heck did I end up here? ...at this mind-numbing self-analysis deadend? Self-analyis is for...well oneself...everyone else will probably be bored out of their mind, so I'll be signing off now. ;)
so long.

oh, wait...I never wrote down my friend's answer to my question. I mean, what's the point of starting off with "I asked my friend Heidi..." if I then don't mention her response somewhere.
So here it is: She said that her younger sister (10 years younger, I think) never liked going to school at first, because she was constantly teased by her classmates and because her teachers weren't nice (and she went to the same school Heidi and I started out with). When they moved to a different town, the girl had a very different experience and began enjoying her school life again. When they finally got her into a Montessori school it seemed the perfect fit. She just graduated successfully from Highschool, by the way.

D humors me

The past two days it's been gorgeous outside.
You know, I said to Dario, it really is beautiful here when it's sunny. Why can't it always be like that? Why does the weather here have to be so damn unstable? I don't think I can take that. We're gonna have to move back to NY.
D's repartee:
Well, what do you prefer? Unstable weather or unstable people?
---------------------

And here one more tidbit from the kids' front (most of which I am missing lately...working all the time.) ...so this is what D tells me:

Maia is walking by with a cookie.
Nayla (now 2.5 yrs.) turns to her and screams at the top of her lungs: MAIAA! Share with your sister!!

I am so tired, I can't even decide anymore if this is only funny to me, or could be amusing to the rest of the world, as well. sigh. Guess, it's just gonna have to make it into this entry, since I don't have the mental strength to write anything more today.
I don't get to play anymore. :<

what kind of mother am I?!

the kids - as much I looove them - are driving me pretty crazy lately. maybe it's the fact that I am totally overworked, ....or maybe it's that D acts like one of them sometimes, fighting for my attention in exactly the same manner: loud, repetitve questions ending in "Ma, Ma, Ma'aaa!"



I just wonder, whether it really is a genetic thing with my inability to assume my role as a mother as naturally as some other women can (my mother left us 3 kids when I was 11 years old to follow her calling - and I don't blame her for it, although I don't think I could ever live without my children - yes, I realize, one day I will have to cope with this, for they will grow up...but you know what I mean).

I mean, I love my kids, would die for them and all that natural stuff (no joke) but I find myself challenged with the daily stuff. Yes, I do it well but not because it comes to me this way but because I read myself to death on the topic of kids up to this age. I also ask parents whose kids I admire, and I always, always observe and remember.
However, it seems like I've been approaching this whole child-upbringing thing from a rather professional angle. I take it like a job, which I am trying to do well but might not necessarily be too fulfilled with.

Of course, fact is that probably no parent really knows what the hell they're doing (not all of them aware of this) but I've seen some women that are incredibly deep into their role as a mother, while I always wonder where I would be now if I hadn't given in to Dario's wish to have kids so early. I realize, of course, that 26 isn't all that early but I hadn't planned for kids (if at all) until I was at least in my mid-thirties. I wanted to make sure I was somewhat content with all I had done. Now I am always wondering if I have lost something of myself in the last 10 years with Dario.

I love Dario. I do. And I wouldn't want to be without him, even if I weren't with him.
I love my children. I really really do. And I thank God for their health and presence every day. I do.
But sometimes I wonder - guiltily - where I am.

I am trying to live without regrets, remember. It's that thing on my list of 43 things I want to do. The list I would have written, anyway, if I had found any time for it. But it seems almost impossible to do so. Are there really people out there that can do that?? I think, it is in our nature to remember and to philosophize and thus, as a consequence, there must be regret somewhere... even, if that doesn't necessarily mean I would like to have someone else's life. I don't. I just wonder, how different my life would be if I had taken different paths...or better: if I had stayed on certain paths (music, theatre, film,...applied to Harvard...).
Oh well, by now I would definitely be too dumb to go to an Ivy League College, anyway. Being too old and too poor probably doesn't look good on an application either. ;)

O.K. now I think it's enough with the self-pity for the day. I can barely take it myself anymore.

I am just listening to an Alanis Morissette song on pandora.com - "Isn't it Ironic" Acoustic Version - and she just sang one of the lines differently. ...saw you and your beautiful husband or something like this. ..anyway..isn't that supposed to say "wife"? Is Alanis gay? I didn't even know. Anyway, I used to be addicted to that album. Mygoodness, Dario's ADD is rubbing off, I think.



oh well, let me call it a night. nothing more good can come of such rambling.

life...

if you've read the previous post there might be a few redundant pieces of information in this entry, for I am posting an e-mail exchange between me and my very dear friend beth for today:

Hi Beth!

thank you for your e-mail and the great webcam pics of you and H. Nayla and I enjoyed them very much!!! Still have to show them to D and Maia.

I miss you. Work has been crazy stressful and I could really need some advice right about now on how to deal with mobbing at the office..or how to deal with people, period.
Today, after reflecting on the fact that my job is emotionally draining (I might like to organize, create solutions, etc. but to deal with the constant intrigue, accusations, and conflict just isn't for me. me, who always wants to be liked by everyone ;) - I am about to qualify this character-trait as a weakness. ...anyway, ...so where was I?

... reflecting about the new job, the fact that I just got kicked out of our apartment - long story - (don't even want to think about all the work and expenses that entails), the problem with our non-paying tenants in NY, and the fact that it it has been raining the whole month of August here. Today it is as cold as New York in December. It even snowed on the mountain peaks here... it is Auuuugust, dammit!!!



For a moment there I was thinking of throwing in the towel and just coming home (note how I refer to NY as home..hmmm..). But the thought of all the wasted time and money is killing me. It took a LOT of phonecalls, errand-runnings, form-filling, furniture carrying, and money-spending to get to where we are now. Maia finally is able to communicate with the kids in her kindergarten. She instantly translates full sentences from English into German. It's amazing.

Also, I have been reading my blog entries from back home (again, NY)...and I am worried that NYC will destroy my marriage. People have too much attitude and you never hear the calming/reasoning feedback you need to hear when you are about to wring your partner's neck. ;) I need to bitch and friend X needs to say, "yes but think about this...." instead of "that bastard, you should leave him. forget the marriage and the kids" ;)

I am having a little trouble lately, again. so it's not all rosy here, either. but that's life and that's marriage,...I suppose. gotta remain realistic and focus on the positive.

almost quit my job today... ;)
so out of answers. so lost at the moment. too much resposibility ALL on me... the pressure is a killer.

talk soon,
love,
sisi
PS: THANK YOU, for your package by the way! Maia and Nayla were soo excited about it and we started to do the US-map-sticker-game right away. (I never knew the capital of Florida is Talahassee. ...and, to my great embarrassment, I must admit, thought Disneyworld is in California. ;) ... (I guess, I was thinking about U.Studios).
------------------------------------

beth replies:

Hi....
.....you sound like you really have your hands full!!!......
.....as far as NYC= LET ME HELP YOU....can I help file papers,(where's P?) put pressure on someone?.....sometimes people think if you are far away that they can step over....

above all H & I are your 'friends' (more like family) and we love you guys....so if we can do ANYTHING, don't hesitate....my stuff w/my Mother is ongoing and I've been at it for a while so I can manage time for YOU!

THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON for things to happen:

1.) YOUR MOVE was (at least, I realized this) was in part to 'save' you relationship because you knew it IS that IMPORTANT.

2.) YOUR GIRLS will be fine w/the change...BOTH are smart/beautiful and love to learn and exposure to a lifestyle where they can really just 'BE' & to GROW through their own strengths & talents is FAR better than the OVERSTRUCTURED lives too many of USA children are having now....

3) the JOB = no job (& co-workers) is perfect....you said you were allowed to at least "think" w/this job?
remember you have great skills and from what you told me Austria's 'support' sytem was great (compared to USA)
.....there's no law that says you can't 'scout' for another job now that you are in Austria...

YOU are wonderful for your capacity to cover all the details / be responsible to a 'fault'/ remember all the people in your life and always look out for them....this is a great thing, and MOST PEOPLE DON'T have these qualities.....@ work there are only 'intrigues' IF you LET THEM BE SO.....give a 'deaf ear' to office gossip!
try not to give things that really aren't important (they only seem so at the time) IMPORTANCE!

REMEMBER how you wondered how I could deal w/certain things @ situation at my job?.....well I basically told myself "since I am NOT getting taken at dawn to be put in front of a cannon to be shot = I am 'me' and I can deal w/ what comes next"......& ask yourself the question "is this really important to me & my family?"

4.)...good grief!...move to another apartment? more than a pain in the ass! BUT this is NOW,.. soooooo go forward....
(I presume you will be able to find one close by?)
....YOU let Dario handle this!!! TELL HIM it's all on him to handle the move (and S. please DO let him handle it=all men need to find responsibility, (even if some mistakes are made) it's hard when they are married to STRONG WOMEN!)
...as long as your kids aren't sleeping in the street = I am sure he can handle this!!! (tell him I said SO!)

....& when you are 85 (...or MY AGE) you will look back and can proudly say "I SURVIVED THIS TOO!"

WHEN CAN WE TALK??????? I will try you again TODAY @ 4:00PM (NYC) = 10:00PM (AUST)


LOVE & MISS YOU ALL
XXXOOO
b

from bad to worse..

funny, when good things happen to me I see signs and interconnections everywhere.
when bad things happen, I usually try to see the positive in it (although, you might not notice that in my bitch-heavy posts) and I always have faith,...trust that things will get better eventually.

lately, however, it's been difficult to stay all that positive. my job has become even more stressful than it was before. i didn't think that was actually possible but add a good dosis of intrigue, powerplay, social pressure, and questionable compensation and you've got yourself a job you could hate. ;)
what i need to learn, is to stand above this all and not take any of the attacks personally. (everybody hates the project manager, ...including the project manager).

what i cannot do is to give a shit about it all. i do care if they like me because i have no strong social network outside of work to fall back on and i am at work all the f'in time, so it would be nice to get along well with my colleagues.
a lot of them like to argue, though, and I really don't. I usually tend to avoid conflict until all the repressed feelings start to eat me alive. ;)

it's interesting how different an office-dynamic one gets working with almost all women. i am used to working with almost all men (having worked in an IT department for almost 7 years). of course, that can be annoying at times, too, ...and one wouldn't believe how men can gossip sometimes, but all in all: much less stressful.
also, usually i started off good with the guys, while i have to earn my respect with the girls here. they really are very judgmental. throw me into a compartment, hate me or despise me... I don't know why. i never get the benefit of the doubt. the problem is that i don't like to fight dirty so i end up being the sucka most of the times. i don't instigate, i don't point out their mistakes, failures, or mishaps, while they are quick and loud as can be in return.
vern says it's because i am too much of a tomboy. i don't think womanly enough. he might be right.

anyway, ..so while the job has been a heavy load on my mind lately i am happy to report that it isn't anymore as of this afternoon. this is when my landlord called me to inform me that she is kicking us out of our apartment (!). Apparently, her mother, who lives above us, can't take the commotion of having small kids in the building, after all. I said, well couldn't you think of this before you rented this apartment to us only 4 months ago? before I paid an arm and a leg to the real-estate agent? before I spent thousands of dollars to pay for a move, furnishings, etc.? before we carried 2 "tons" of firewood up the stairs? before we planted trees, veggies, flowers, and a freakin' grapevine in the garden? (yeah..ehm..that's D's work..he's a bit of a gardening freak).

and it keeps on raining...

it is really hard to stay positive at the moment. ...oh and did I mention, that our tenants in NY still haven't paid what they owe. that's 3 months rent now.

well, at least I have two healthy girls, Dario still loves me, I think, (although, I am rather irritable lately and work crazy hours), and ... yeah...I'm out of positive thoughts for tonight.
I am thankful for the friends that I do have here...even though, I don't get to see them much.

flyiiiing by

time is flying by me (all I do is work, work, work, work....oh and did I mention, WORK.) anyway, so I am getting back to posting mails I've written lately. Don't have time to make a blog entry, too. so here is the easy way out ;) :

hey girl,
[...]
I heard about the state of emergency that was called in NYC due to the heat. How are u holding out?
It's been raining here for almost 2 weeks now. It is so cold we all need sweaters and jackets. It's strange considering the summers I've had during the past 10 years.

My tenants are turning out to be real deadbeats. They haven't paid the rent in 3 months and I am about to have a nervous break-down about that.
They say that will catch up definitely by end of August, beginning of September. And they are - besides seemingly irresponsible - very nice people - so I am a sucka and let them get away with it.
But only until end of August. If they haven't made up for July and Aug. rent by then, I am going to tell them to leave...and I guess, I will do that parallel to the court paperwork. Ahhh, just what I need. More money to throw out the window.
[...]
My friend found open mail from them (lost between our mail, which they slipped under our door). It turned out to be a document from the IRS telling them that they owe 14,000.- .... How are they ever going to pay the rent?!! :O

Everybody is telling me to throw them out NOW ... but I guess, this is all easier said than done. I work fulltime, have a shitload of other crap to do, and oh yeah, maybe the fact that I live on another continent isn't making this any easier...

End of August - that's when I will make the decision (which will then depend on whether they have paid the agreed amount until then or not).
[ I know, you have a lot of crap to do, but I would really appreciate if you could do one or the other office run for me, if shit really hits the fan. I think I have exhausted my favor calls from Rosa and Pabs, who are both also crazy busy themselves. We have even had to enlist Rene's help for a few weeks (to get Dario's certificate of good conduct) ]. I will only ask you if absolutely necessary and then please just say yes, if you are feeling ok.

Other than that there is the letter I got from the collection agency about the cablevision account Dario was supposed to close, and swears he did. So, that's another couple of hours with mostly indifferent and often incompetent costumer service on the phone for me. yeiih.

***
Dario has been busy doing webwork. He's doing websites and logos for 2 people (one is a hockey recruiter from Boston, the other one a business man - actually an old friend of ours - from Connecticut.). He also has just openend an ebay shop, which he populates with items from his drop-shipping "company" - you might have gotten an e-mail with the webURL from him in the past few weeks. I am happy for him but he is on the computer wayyy too much now, and he just doesn't realize. I am having flashbacks to our old life in NY.

Other than that our family life has been signficantly more harmonious since we have moved. I am not sure, whether it is the new environment or the influence from others but I am going we the latter theory. It just isn't part of the culture here to fall out of line so easily; consequently, D and I talk to each other in a much more civilized way. I guess, it also is the fact that he doesn't hang out with all these "kids" anymore. I don't remember the last time I have cursed. It just feels really out of place here. ;) ... Dario never cursed much to begin with...so, I guess, this change is more obvious in my case. I am always the f*ck-up. ;)

The kids are doing well, too.
Maia has done some more adjusting and I am glad about this. she doesn't point out anymore, how much she misses NY and how she wants to go back. I do, however, wonder whether I am depriving her of a) greater possilities of personal development and b) a better social life (because of the language barrier she has become a bit of a loaner, and the whole bossiness of hers just doesn't work without language.) ;)

Other than that (didn't I just use this phrase?) she is adjusting well. She has started to throw in full German sentences and she understands an awful lot. She is also becoming a little more ...hmm...well-mannered, if I may say. You know how those European kids are, ...always greeting, picking up stuff someone drops, ... although, she is still very much a little American...or should I just say ..a little Maia. ;) always needs it a different way than everyone else, always dancing out of line, and always always trying to talk to everyone.

Nayla didn't have much adjusting to do. She's good and enjoys her outdoor life. They really are outside most of the day. Maia is riding her little bicycle on that huge terrace, we wouldn't know what to do with otherwise, and Nayla is going to get a walking bike. I don't know, if you have seen those. They are little bikes without pedals for kids between 2 and 4. The kids sort of push themselves foward with their legs and because they learn how to balance themselves, they transfer directly over to a real bike (without training wheels) when they're ready. With Maia we are too late but Nayla we are putting on one of these. I can't believe my friends' 3 year-olds riding their bikes like 5- and 6-year-olds. Unbelievable...



ok.
so, that's it for today.
I am off today, for a change.
Write your dailies, too - again!
;) xoxo sisi

I guess, I miss NY

recently, I've realized that I must miss NY more than I assumed. I have been saving any and every ny-related scrap I stumble upon. The other day I saved some guy's online vacation album (from his trip to NYC). Usually people have to be forced to look at one's vacation pictures, no? ...then again, I actually always liked that.

but what really made it clear for me was this morning's quite pathetic incident. I was driving up to my job when my eye caught attention of something very familiar, yet, very out of place (here in Austria). It was a UPS truck. At first, I was excited and thought, oh look, a UUUPSSS truck! aaawwwwhhh. Then I broke into tears.
Yup, I started crying because I saw a UPS truck.
I am now officially a wimp.



You know, I never cried about much before (and with before I mean before the age of 26 or so).

Well, I cried when King Kong died. It was that old 1970s version. I was about 11 years old. I also cried at Born on the 4th of July..or whatever that movie with Tom Cruise in Vietnam was called.
But that's pretty much it. Maybe one or two more non-movie related break-downs but all in all not a whiner.
However, ever since I've become a mother my emotions have become partially uncontrollable. It is highly annoying.

I'm a sinner...and no, this isn't a dirty post, either!

In a recent article of the German magazine Spiegel, there was a list of embarrassing things people do at work. I think they called it: the ten deadly sins at work
here the link (but it's in German)

I was shocked to find out that I have committed pretty much all of them …or should I say, that I commit pretty much all of them on a daily basis. I am now officially American. ;) …and that isn’t supposed to be an offense, it is supposed to emphasize the fact how much I feel in between cultures sometimes.

some of these deadly sins apparently are:
- bad manners: trying to remove food between your teeth, burp, and slouch @ the table.
- address the boss informally
- dress differently than everybody else in the office (i.e. inappropriate clothes)
- leave personal print-outs in the printer
- send e-mail to the wrong person
- forget someone’s name (in my defense, I forget everybody’s name not only colleagues’ names)

well, I'm gonna see how far I get with my behavior. i'm too old (and I don't care enough) to change. the latter, ..that is the New Yorker in me ;) u talkin' to me??
I might stop flossing in the office, though. That is a little gross, I admit. ;)

woah..I was on a roll here...

I just stumbled upon this blog-entry of mine back from November..
Since there is no categorizing on blogger.com and this entry will probably never be found again, I felt like it had to be put out there one more time:
the meaning of life?

observations: life in Austria vs. USA

I would like to add to my list (of differences between life in New York City, USA and life in Vorarlberg, Austria). Some of them are very subjective (well, they all are...so really this is just a list of personal observations):

- I watched a downloaded Friends episode the other day (thank you people who populate bittorrent. I wouldn't mind paying for U.S. TV but no darn network thinks about putting their stuff online). Anyway, it was the one in which Chandler and Monica want to buy a house in the suburbs.
"New York is great," Chandler says "but I want a house with a frontyard, and a street where my kids can ride their bikes outside."
"So, you want a house in the 1950s," Ross replies.



It is a sad pun on the reality of American life (or at least, suburbian life) is it not? And at the same time I am comtemplating about that I am thinking "so I live in a 1950s America right now." .... well, this is, of course, only in terms of security.
Here you really don't have to worry about your kids like you have to in the cities or suburbia of the States. At least to me, the USA is an intimidating place (when it comes to my kids). Too many psychos. I have to say that this probably applies to a lot of big countries. Austria is small and Vorarlberg is even smaller. Just across the border (in Germany) things look very different.

My friend Rosa would frown on such a statement but you have to compare the Austrian and US news on occasion. It's not like nothing ever happens here (well, maybe in Vorarlberg really not much crazy stuff happens) but compared to the States it's nothing.

I think it is about public taboos. In America nothing seems taboo anymore. Here you run into stiffness all the time (sometimes it is restricting or ridiculous) but it keeps the greater society "in check" so to say. A small example: People won't throw garbage on the street here. It is regarded as a big taboo.
Another example: People will not make any big noise on Sunday or any day after 8pm (you can imagine how we fit in here - 3 Dominican-Americans, and one Arab-Austrian.;)
...our landlord was about to kick us out the other day because we were barbequing for the umpteenth time (smoking up the place, sitting until late on our terrace.)
...these are kinda stupid examples, btw. but I can't think of anything else right now. Maybe one example would be that kids here rarely fight. There is no school grouping like it happens in US schools and you will probably never ever see a "cat-fight" (girlfight, for those of you who really don't know the term.)

Anyway, this was supposed to be a list and I am writing a short novel here...
ok. let's try this again:

- online banking. oh my God, is it a pain in the a. It is so annoying that I have no idea how much or little money we have on our account (which makes it very difficult to control and maintain a budget.)
just so you know what I mean.
this is my netbanking username and password:
username: 45odmf027cDHYlmDXz
password: 67ffYUiF57zKfpU
I AM NOT KIDDING! (of course, this is not my real username and password, so you can spare yourself any hacking attempts but this is the exact style. AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT!!!!!)
Are these people crazy?

- the seriousness at work (Do you think I can apply the Dilbert Principle to my daily rut - just to lighten things up a bit for myself?). Americans definitely know how to socialize better. (Here people consider this skill superficiality, btw. - I find this interesting. I really had the same opinion once. Now, I am somewhere else.)


this is one of my many hurdles of the day... seriously.. (Dilbert is my bible right now).

- the climate. I hear it's like 100-something degrees in NYC right now. ugh. sorry.
Here it has been raining for the past 3 days and it has now cooled down to about 12 degrees Celsius (0 degrees Celsius = 32 degrees Fahrenheit)...after having been around 30 degrees (100) every day for a month. Today I actually wore a sweater and a jacket to go to work. It is AUUUUUGUST, dammit! sigh.

Dario told me that Maia started crying about the rain again. It really seems to depress her. Another thing that worries me with Maia is the fact that she is a bit isolated here. She has picked up a lot of the language in a very short time, however, she still plays a lot alone at Kindergarten and she is so depressed about that that she refused to go today. She is such a socialite it must be really hard for her.

My friends in NY (with same aged kids) tell me their kids are starting to read now. From flashcards or whatnot. This is unthinkable here. It just doesn't work this way. People would consider such educational pressure (on such young children) psychotic.
They focus on the social aspect first (and for a long time). The kids don't learn the alphabet until they are about to go to school (5.5). On one hand I think this is a good route to go, on the other hand I believe in the power of early childhood education).
I am getting former NYC-mom panic that my kid is not using its full potential. Maia is crazy smart and I feel like I am not nourishing her talents. The new Austrian-mom in me is telling me that I should shut up, relax, and let her be a kid without worries.

- daycare. on one hand it's probably good for the kids to be with their parents as much as they are here. Maia is at Kindergarten only from 9-12 (well, she could be there at 7:30, but ..there is no way I am getting out the house at that time).
On the other hand, this system sure makes it hard for the other parent (usually the mother) to work (i.e. follow a career).
Well, at least the government gives you money to stay home with your kids for 3 years (about $700/month). Actually 2.5 years and then another 6 months if the other parent (usually the father) stays home as well.

In our particular case I wonder how good it is for our kids to stay home with Dario. They sure are loved and happy but I think they are getting a rather laissez-fair upbringing (a style I have been raised with and which I do not approve of).

----
Alright, so this blog is about to burst out of its seams. And since I hate reading blog entries that are just too darn long, so I am going to apologize for the length of this entry and call it a night. (I really needed to write, I suppose.)

if you do want to see the extension of this list (observations - coming back home to Austria) you can check out this previous post: Austrian oddities....

nayla climbing

nayla (not even 2.5, yet) climbing up the pillar of our terrace ;)

i missed those robot news

apparently this isn't the latest news but I just saw this video and thought it just has to be blogged. the last few seconds the chick looks most real, I thought. disturbing but cool.

this is fucked up

You think you're numb to all the crazy sh*t that's going on in the world and then you see images like these and it just brings tears to your eyes and anger to your heart.
click here.

(I don't know why I scramble up the word sh*t...when I just wrote f*cked up in the title...and I am doing it again.)

hairdresser advertisement in Austria

what kind of ad-campaign is this? what exactly is this image supposed to convey?...."time to cut your hair?"



(this is a hairdresser in our town, btw.)

my del.ici.us - bookmarks so far

I guess, they are arranged by date added? ...
anyway, I have been hesitant about del.ici.us and it took me a while to get myself to actually use it but now I am hooked!

so, here my delicious bookmarks so far:

Gothamist

new york blog

IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com

fun celebrity news

IconExperience - professional icons

icons clipart windows style

NPR : Public Radio Programs

npr - all shows

NinaWills on 43 Things

43 things, live without regrets, etc.

Odeo Studio

record your own stuff online

Pandora Internet Radio - Find New Music, Listen to Free Web Radio

an online radio-system that learns the kind of music you like (enter the song or artist you like and the pandora will start playing stuff it thinks you might like, too). then you can micromanage, if you want..and give each song that plays a thumbs up or d

PayScale - Salary Survey, Salaries, Wages, Compensation Information and Analysis

compare your salary

Pixelgirl Presents Free Icons, Desktops and Gallery Shop!

free icons

Planearium.de presents: SP-Studio.de

create your own southpark character

Prozentrechnung Rechner Berechnung - Prozent berechnen - Prozent-Rechner Prozente Online Beispiel - sengpielaudio

prozent berechnen

Revised Design for 9/11 Memorial Saves Many Features and Lowers Cost - New York Times

comment to Lower Manhattan Development Corporation -only open for public comments for one week (starting June20)

Schicken Sie Blumen mit EuroFlorist - Sträuße, Blumen, Topfpflanzen, Trauerschmuck und Gebinde.

1800 flowers a la Austria

Scientific American: The Expert Mind

interesting article on expertise (by taking chess-masters as an example). ... complicated description... good article

Search 50 Stock Photography, Stock Photos, and Footage Vendors, as well as Royalty Free Clip Art, Illustrations, and Clipart Images

good clipart, good photostock, quality agency links, lots of royalty free stuff, too

Six Apart

awardwinning blogging tools for everyone

Sneek a peek at the Beardshalls

mama blog, twins, usa blog

WEB2.0 Application index

all the web2.0 apps u can think of (categorized)

WNYC - The Brian Lehrer Show

brian lehrer show - link to npr

WidSets Beta

rss feeds for ur mobile

Wohnzimmer Records - Artists

cool music

XE.com - The Universal Currency Converter ®

currency converter

Zillow.com - Your Edge in Real Estate

estimate the value of your home (apparently accurate within 10% of the real selling price)

insignificant thoughts

another bronx blogger

itzle

surf the net with your friends (as little virtually-walking characters)

leonard lopate show

npr - ny public radio

script.aculo.us - web 2.0 javascript

ajax scripts of all kinds

sitemap of web 2.0 applications

all there is to web 2.0, sites that let your heart beat faster

webcam times square

times square webcams

webcams worldwide (nyc)

nyc webcams

zulugrid: False Identity Generator

for all those forms online you don't really want to fill (with your own info)

the overwhelming task of customization

I was looking for something (I don't remember what anymore)...and decided to costumize the Google Search Page real quick.
HA! real quick, my a**...I spent like 45 minutes looking at all these modules one can add. My always so beloved google page (beloved for it's speed of loading) now takes about 5 minutes to come up (I should edit a bit more. maybe take out all the webcam links).

here a few odd module selections:
- shakespearean insulter
- google: evil or not?
- here lies (- an interactive tombstone ..i think I know what I am going to put to rest there;))
- disinformation (why?)
- fuzzy clock (half past four)
- US bra size calculator



when the modules (after 15 pages or so) started to come up with Russian and Swedish titles I was finally able to pull myself away..;)

speaking of which. i gotta hit the sack.
my days are crazy lately. (lately?...sisi who are u kidding? u r going to get urself an ultzer.)
OK, now...I am starting to talk to myself (in chat-language), so I really better get going.
nite-nite. xx:)

just my luck...

went to the movies with D yesterday. sneak preview (which turned out to be ironically titled "just my luck"...ironically, as you will conclude from the following entry.)

so, here in Austria (Vorarlberg, at least) the movie-tickets you buy are - like in the theater - assigned seats. when we got to our row and our places, Dario sat down next to the pretty girls, while I got stuck with the seat next to the questionably looking guy with the long untaimed hair, the too-tight pants, and generally of a rather hippiesque appearance. I stood there for a few seconds, contemplating whether I should make D move over into the "man-section" but then decided to just take the risk and settle. I can't tell you the relief, when I sat down.

Ahh, thank God the man has showered today, I thought. (which is not to be taken for granted here. YES, the stereo-type is true..and I cannot believe, I never noticed before. There are many people - especially men - that just do not shower every day and I am suffering I tell you. suffering. especially now, that it is like 85° every day, and the infrastructure here still doesn't include airconditioning everywhere.)

Unfortunately, I was almost instantly punished for my jugmental thoughts.
The minute the movie started, I noticed a pungent smell coming from my left. I had to dig my nose into Dario's shirt to escape the momentary gas-chamber simulation by my seat-neighbor's flatulence.
It was horrible. Every few minutes he let another one rip. At the end of the movie he really didn't care anymore. He literally lifted his ass and let it rattle. eeeewwwhhh!

Dario on the other hand was happy, I think. I was never so close and affectionate with him during a movie. My head was on his shoulder almost the entire time (to allow for quick but discreet escape from gaseous torture).

help pick a new name for my blog

i have decided that I am nothing like carrie bradshaw (the previous title of my blog was: I feel like Carrie Bradshaw...if she were a mama) - I am not hip; I don't have a crazy shoe-fetish..in fact, I hate high-heels; Sex and the city references are kinda obsolete by now; I am no twiggy-sized cutsie-cute Manhattanite (of course, the Twiggy reference is even older than the Sex and the City one); and I am certainly not getting "around" like that... so I have just renamed my blog to this lame line (see new headline above).
feedback is wanted.

other options for a new name:
A) mamas are women first
B) mamas are people, too
C) mama what?
D) bitching mama
(like the url)
E) a bit schizo
F) Austria-New York and back
G) getting wiser - or not.
(I actually like that one!)

Too bad I can't do polls on blogger. I'd be polling.
must check my new favorite url for a tool. maybe I'll find something to embed:
www.categoriz.com.
;)

have a look where we live now

so this is about 20 min. going up into the area behind our house. It is called the Bregenzer Wald. This particular village is Schwarzenberg...well, it's the edge of Schwarzenberg. This is Maia on the video, btw. She always insists wearing long evening gowns for hiking (well, at any occasion, for that matter. what can I say. she is 4 years old. you have to force them into pants at this age, it seems.)